Never Fire Comic Strips - Page 8

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800 Results for Never Fire

View 71 - 80 results for never fire comic strips. Discover the best "Never Fire" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hard Work Is The Key To Success

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Hard Work Is The Key To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #manager, #self-interest, #motivation

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Asok: What is the key to success? Boss: Hard work! Asok: Is it a coincidence that your advice for me corresponds to your self-interest? Boss: My other advice is never question authority.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

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Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

Wife Versus Wifi

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Wife Versus Wifi - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #typo, #overreaction, #wife, #wi-fi, #offense, #relationships

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CEO: I want you to fire Dilbert for insulting my wife in his slide deck. Boss: The presentation was about wi-fi, not your wife. CEO: In my defense, they're both spotty.

We Are Family

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We Are Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business, #Family, #relationships, #parents, #leadership

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Boss: I think of all of you as family. Wally: That's dumb. Boss: You'll never amount to anything. Wally: Mommy?

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

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Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.

Press Release About Hack

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Press Release About Hack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hacker, #hacking, #information, #privacy, #damage control, #apology

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Boss: Hackers got our customer data. Write a press release saying we are sorry and it will never happen again. Tina: Is any of that true? Boss: Part of it is. Tina: Which part. Boss: Hackers got our customer data.

Massive Data Breach

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Massive Data Breach  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control

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Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #valor, #awards, #bragging, #laziness

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Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.

Show More Initiative

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Show More Initiative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #managers, #boss, #criticism, #encouragement, #initiative, #engagement

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Boss: You fool! That web page is not designed the way I would have done it! And I never would have explained it this way! Lastly, I want you to show more initiative. Dilbert: Are you still here?

Mothman Detects Energy

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Mothman Detects Energy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #workload, #talking, #socializing, #conversation

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The Storytelling Mothman. Mothman: I detect the energy of an employee with a high workload. I'm here to tell you a long story that you think will never end. Alice: That is the last thing I need right now. Mothman: Do you know the history of the paper clip?