No Way Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

703 Results for No Way

View 71 - 80 results for no way comic strips. Discover the best "No Way" comics from Dilbert.com.

Coaching Alice

Thank you for voting.
Coaching Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coaching, #mentor, #boss, #manager, #Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you want some coaching? Alice: Heck yes. If you find someone who knows my job better than I do, send them my way. Boss: Maybe I could share my wisdom with you. Alice: Can you teach me how to stay calm when some idiot interrupts me?

Picking The Spaceship Staff

Thank you for voting.
Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

Texting The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Texting The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #texting, #driving, #distraction, #trick, #murder, #killing, #malice

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Hold on, I have to text my boss while he's driving. I'll say it's a crisis so he has to text back. Dilbert: Is it legal to kill him that way? Carol: Yes, I checked with a lawyer first.

Ceo Fixes His Problem

Thank you for voting.
Ceo Fixes His Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #product safety, #danger, #battery, #recall, #cell phone, #samsung, #media, #Entertainment, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The press says I need to resign because of our exploding phones fiasco. Dilbert: Maybe you can change their minds by sending the press our new model that doesn't explode. CEO: I already sent them the exploding phones and said it was our new models. Your way left too much to chance.

Exploding Phones

Thank you for voting.
Exploding Phones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bomb, #cell phone, #samsung, #fire, #explosion, #competition, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're getting bad press because the batteries in our new line of mobile phones keep exploding. Boss: Load them into a big truck and park it in front of our competitor's building. Dilbert: Technically, that would be domestic terrorism. Boss: There are way too many laws.

Brain Trapping

Thank you for voting.
Brain Trapping - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #bored, #mundane

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Don't get too close. He's brain-trapping. Asok: What? Wally: He's doing a task so boring that he has to cover his ear holes so his brain won't try to escape. There's no way for it to get out now. Asok: Did he just get taller?

Mandatory Safety Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Mandatory Safety Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #safety, #catch-22, #choosing, #unsafe

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You have to go to a mandatory safety training class right now. Dilbert: Is it safe for me to miss the deadline you gave me for this assignment? Boss: No, you lose either way. Dilbert: Hmm. Maybe I could work all night from home then drive to work exhausted.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #engagement, #review, #shortcut, #honesty, #human resources, #hr, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #correction, #correcting, #freak out, #anger, #tress, #Advice, #eavesdropping, #awkward, #temper

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What's the best way to invest these days? Boss: Penny stocks are the best value because they only cost a penny. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate over hearing bad advice! Boss: If I were you, I"d take out a second mortgage and load up. Dilbert; I don't want to get involved, but I'll feel bad if I don't. Boss: You'll get reliable stock-picking advice from strangers on television. Dilbert: Run! Cover your ears and run! If it makes you feel any less awkward, I don't now what to do now, either.