Not Give Raise Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

802 Results for Not Give Raise

View 71 - 80 results for not give raise comic strips. Discover the best "Not Give Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

Anyone Fired Lately

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Anyone Fired Lately - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #fired, #scapegoat, #laziness, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Before I give my project status report, has anyone quit or been fired recently? Boss: I fired Ted last week. Now tell me why your project is late. Wally: It was Ted's fault.

The Extra 10%

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Extra 10%  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #excuses, #effort, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.

Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #competition, #bad advice, #deception, #wedgie

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Alice has been mentoring me for a month, and I can't tell how much of her advice is real and how much is a hoax. For example, she advised me to give our boss a wedgie because she said he likes assertive people. Is that real? Dilbert: I'm gonna say yes.

Compensation Based On Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Compensation Based On Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #company culture, #raise, #wages, #job satisfaction, #compensation, #psychology, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.

Directionally Accurate

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Directionally Accurate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #projections, #budget, #finance, #math, #excuse, #compliment, #accuracy, #education, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are you confident in your financial projections? Wally: They're directionally accurate. Boss: Your columns don't even add up. Wally: Why is it so hard for you to give a compliment?

Wally Finds Critical Bug

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Finds Critical Bug - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #my value, #new assignments, #projects, #slow walker, #rivals in management

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?

Money Can't Buy Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Money Can't Buy Happiness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.

Ceo Gives Shoulder Rubs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Gives Shoulder Rubs  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flirting, #implementation, #new rules, #shoulder rub, #sock collar, #team spirit

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Hey, Alice. Let me give you a shoulder rub in the name of team spirit. CEO: AAAAGH!!! Alice: click CEO: I hate having a court - ordered shock collar. The boss: I don't see a...oh.

Product Is Too Addictive

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Product Is Too Addictive  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #technology, #facebook, #twitter, #addiction, #big business, #impulse control

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm worried that we designed our product to be too addictive. Now we're more like a disease than a consumer product. Boss: Will you stop talking like that if I give you a raise? Dilbert: It's worth a try.