One He Guy Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for One He Guy

View 71 - 80 results for one he guy comic strips. Discover the best "One He Guy" comics from Dilbert.com.

Two Bad Options

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Two Bad Options - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, business, business ethics, business failures/bankruptcies, hide, managers & supervisors, options, analysis, corporate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I analyzed our only two options. One option costs too much, and the other option is impossible. Boss: Let's do the impossible one. Dilbert: Perhaps you can explain your reasoning. Boss: According to you, we will fail either way. But if we fail in a slow and inexpensive way, no one will even notice for months. With any luck, we'll have a corporate reorganization that forever hides our gross incompetence. Dilbert: Have you done this before? Boss: Every six months.

Dilbert Doesn't Believe In Safety

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Doesn't Believe In Safety  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, office workers, safety, sarcasm, team

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Ugh, Dilbert is on the project team? That guy doesn't believe in safety. Man: Just out of curiosity, what evidence of that extremely weird allegation have you seen? Tina: What evidence do you have that you exist? See? Anyone can do that.

Need Boss To Make Decision

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Need Boss To Make Decision - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, boss, decision, engineering, knowledge, marketing, office workers, sarcasm, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.

Shocking Fake Video

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Shocking Fake Video - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insults, obliviousness, videos, conspiracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you see the shocking claims in the video I emailed to you? Dilbert: Yes. The video is so obviously fake that only a raging moron would think any of it is true. Boss: I think it's all true. Dilbert: Welp, that's one data point in my favor.

Confident Wrong Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Confident Wrong Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, confidence, employees, insults, obliviousness, office workers, sarcasm, hire

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a guy who is always wrong, yet he is inexplicably confident. Alice: Why? We already have one of you. Boss: I don't know what you meant by that. But I am confident it is wrong.

One Source Of Stress

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
One Source Of Stress - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, work at home, human, contact, stress, co-workers, bored, print, money

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert thinking: i've had no human contact for months. i wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much. my love life was already a barren wasteland. and avoiding my co-workers is always good. i haven't been stressed, tired, or bored in weeks. i only have one remaining source of stress in my life. dilbert sitting on couch with dogbert dogbert: i'm printing money in the basement. dilbert: there it is.

Ceo Does Math

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Does Math - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags death & dying, diseases, earth, humans, sarcasm, pandemic, virus

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Why is everyone so panicked about coronavirus when maybe only 1% who get it will die? Catbert: One percent of the population of Earth would be...77 million dead. CEO: Yes, but the whole world won't get it. Catbert: They will if they listen to you.

Stopping Theft Everywhere

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Stopping Theft Everywhere - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, technology, system, reduce, theft, dumb, product

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: and by using this system, we will drastically reduce theft. co-worker: that's the dumbest think i have ever heard. no one can stop theft everywhere in the world. dilbert: i said we would reduce it, not eliminate it. and only for our own products. co-worker: so, in other words, it won't work. dilbert: it works to reduce theft. co-worker: but you admit there will be theft. dilbert standing and yelling: what is wrong with you???? co-worker: hey, i'm not the one who is in favor of theft.

Makeup Under Mask

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Makeup Under Mask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags makeup, masks, offended, office workers, pandemic, human resources

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you wear makeup under the mask where no one can see it? Or do you leave your snout area all pale and pimply? Tina: Stop imagining me unmasked. Dilbert: I'll report myself to human resources.

Asok Meditates

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Meditates  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee, psychology, sarcasm, business, meditation, think, work, co-worker, technology, enlightenment

View Transcript

Transcript

asok: have you ever tried meditating? wally: sounds like a lot of work. asok: it is the opposite of work. all you have to do is sit in one place and think of nothing in particular. wally: can i drink coffee at the same time. asok: that is not recommended. wally: in other words, meditating is what i already do, but without the advantage of coffee? asok: perhaps you have already achieved enlightenment. wally: feels that way to me.