Project Finished Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

746 Results for Project Finished

View 71 - 80 results for project finished comic strips. Discover the best "Project Finished" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ai Can Control Minds

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ai Can Control Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags control, intelligence, office workers, robot, technology, humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: We've developed an A.I. with such strong persuasion skills it can control human minds. Dilbert: Obviously, we have to stop the project and destroy all of the code to prevent it from spreading. Man: The A.I. says I need to ignore you.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, engineering, frustration, managers & supervisors, office workers, work, schedule

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished coding the new feature. Boss: What took you so long? Dilbert: It took as long as it needed to take. Boss: You're behind schedule. Dilbert: I'm not the one who created the schedule! That was you!!! Maybe you should fire yourself for being so bad at making schedules. Boss: That's not how it works! Dilbert: What does that even mean? Boss: They're starting to catch on that most of what I say doesn't mean anything.

Complaining About Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Complaining About Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, computer software, engineering, office, office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.

Inadequate Explanations

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Inadequate Explanations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, decision, project, boss, input, situation, usual, nothing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Have you made a decision on my project yet? The Boss: No, but I asked my boss for his input. Dilbert: Did you inadequately explain the situation as usual? The Boss: Maybe. Dilbert: Thanks for all the nothing.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, scripts, software, project, hardware, tests, version, final, release, volunteering, testing, player

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.

Everyone Else Is Worthless

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everyone Else Is Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, fire, pawn, problems, project, the boss, useless, work

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, man, criticizing, face, head, arrogance, toxic, personality, garbage, plague, legs, truth, power, behind, back

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I heard you were criticizing me behind my back. Try saying those things to my face! Dilbert: Okay. You're a hot-headed know-nothing who uses his arrogance to mask his total lack of talent. You ruin every meeting with your toxic personality. Every project you touch turns to garbage you're like a plague with legs. Man: Okay... That was harsh, but I respect you for speaking truth to power. Dilbert: You don't have any power. Man: Maybe it's better if you talk behind my back.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, google, data center, software, fix, agile

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.

Resending Email

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Resending Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, the boss, project, dead in the water, requests, budget

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, give me an update on your project. Wally: My project is dead in the water because every time I send you my budget request, you lose it and ask me to resend it. The Boss: I haven't seen any budget requests. Wally: I'll resend it.

Jerry The Contract Employee

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Jerry The Contract Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags threat, Dilbert, the boss, jerry, contract, zebra, agile

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: This is Jerry the contract employee. I hired him to work on project zebra. Dilbert: We haven't even defined the project. How did you know what skills we needed? The Boss: Why are you so threatened by jerry? Jerry: He's not very agile.