Raise Taxes Comic Strips - Page 8

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223 Results for Raise Taxes

View 71 - 80 results for raise taxes comic strips. Discover the best "Raise Taxes" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #goals for the year, #assignments, #average raise, #invent nuclear fusion, #lack of knowledge

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Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #taxes, #sociopth, #victimless crime, #insider information, #hedge fund, #split profit, #tax people

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Dogbert: The great thing about being a sociopath is that everything feels like a victimless crime. If you give me some insider information for my hedge fund, I'll split the profit with you. Think of it as a tax on people you don't know. CEO: That's the best kind!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #using company gym, #60 hrs week, #paying for itself

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Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #internet & world wide web, #black hat, #websites ranking, #search engine, #unethical, #near certainty, #loserish, #talking

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Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating

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Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #avarice, #managers & supervisors, #wages, #open minded, #worst idea, #hostory, #not give raise, #business, #money

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Dilbert says, "I need you to be open-minded about this idea." The Boss says, "Oh, really?" The Boss says, "That's the sort of thing people say before they describe the worst idea in the history of the world." Dilbert says, "My idea is to not give me a raise." The Boss says, "I'm hating you a little extra."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #burden to people, #dutch sandwhich, #less appealing name, #tax attorneys, #transfer tax, #taxes

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Dogbert: I can lower your corporate taxes by using a strategy that tax attorneys call "the dutch sandwich" and Im not vice making that up. So...that would transfer our tax burden to people who can't afford tax attorneys. Dogbert: yeah....their sandwich has a less appealing name.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #employee, #human resources, #Promotion, #raise, #facebook; social networks, #excited, #business

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Catbert says, "For the past six months you've done nothing but update your Facebook page." Catbert says, "Now we have an opening for a marketing manager for social networks and you're totally qualified. It's a huge raise and promotion." Man says, "Crime pays! I knew it!!!" Catbert says, "We're hoping you can lie as well as you steal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags #sales, #bonus, #boss, #raise target, #engineer, #connect cables, #computers, #time machine, #marketing, #liquor, #business, #engineering

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Ken says, "I hate sales. Can you cross-train me to be an engineer?" Dilbert says, "Absolutely. All you need is a time machine and a brain with twice as many folds as your current model." Ken says, "Maybe I could try marketing." Dilbert says, "That's just liqour and guessing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #evil, #cat, #director of human resources, #sales bonus, #raise target, #boss, #laugh, #point, #bend over, #tail, #annoyed, #support, #animals

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Ken says, "Every time I get near my sales bonus level, the pointy-haired boss raises the target!" Catbert says, "Ha ha ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! He just yanks it away! Ha ha ha!" Ken says, "I was hoping for some support." Catbert says, "Then buy a cane and talk to the tail! Ooogah!"