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The Hairdresser Illuminati. Dogbert: Before we start, I'll need to see a list of your political views. Hoo-boy, this is some crazy stuff. I have just the right hairstyle for this. There. That should keep you out of The White House.
Boss: The secret to success is hiring the right people. Dilbert: Then why doesn't everyone do that? Boss: It takes a lot of skill to hire the right people. Dilbert: Did you just find a way to take all of the credit for the team's success? And did you do it in a clever way that was intended to make you look humble even while hogging all the credit? Boss: I also motivate you. Dilbert: You're money?
Dogbert: I became a member of the Hairdresser Illuminati. Dilbert: The what? Dogbert: It's a shadowy organization that controls the world by manipulating the hairstyles of political candidates. Boss: What is my barber doing here? Dogbert: That haircut will never become your next president.
Boss: Tina, a business publication asked me to write an article about success. I need you to ghostwrite it. Make me look wise, yet humble at the same time. Tina: "Hire employees that are smarter than you. In my case, that includes all adults, most children, and an alarming number of dolphins.
CEO: Character is how you act when no one is watching. Wally: Now you tell us? I thought you were my role model! Now I learn that you do all of your good stuff when no one is looking. It all makes sense now, because whenever I watch you do anything, it looks sort of dumb. But I'll take your word for it that you're awesome when no one is looking. Do you want to know what I do when no one is looking? CEO: I really, really do not. Wally: I call it character!
CEO Wisdom. Asok: Can you teach me to be a success? CEO: Yes, obviously. Stop everything you're doing now because it clearly isn't working. Asok: That's it? CEO: Understanding the problem is half the solution.
CEO: The secret to my success is that I hire people who are smarter than me. And then I tell those smart people exactly what to do. It keeps you humble. Dilbert: Good, because all of this was starting to go to my head.
Wally: Remember, Asok, success requires hard work and sacrifice. Asok: Got it! I will work hard and sacrifice! Wally: I was going to say that's why you should avoid success. Who brainwashed you?
Dilbert: The government threatened to kill me if I don't sell them my anti-hacker app. Dogbert: You should change your identity, give me everything you own, and move to an undisclosed location. Dilbert: Will we have a secret way to stay in contact? Dogbert: You're becoming a burden.