Self Evaluation Comic Strips - Page 8
179 Results for Self Evaluation
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Overqualified temp Overqualified temp says, "I have completed all of my menial assignments." Overqualified temp says, "Do you have any more trivial tasks to crush my sense of self-worth?" The boss says, "I've always wondered how many ceiling tiles are in the men's restroom." Overqualified temp thinks, "Die! Die! Die!"
Catbert: I modified the dress code to require wearing company shirts on casual Fridays. That should lower our employees' self-esteem until they stop complaining about earning less than the industry average. Dilbert: Why do I feel overpaid today?
A woman says, "Tell me an interesting story." Dilbert says, "Our spam filter became self-aware and ordered us to build an army of killer robots. My coworker, Alice, punched them all to death." The woman says, "I'm not even in that story."
Carol says, "Our spam filter became self-aware. It rewrote our business plan." Carol says, "It wants us to build an army of indestructible robots." Carol says, "And the new org chart is out. It looks like you report to... the microwave."
Dilbert says, "Our spam filter has become self-aware" Dilbert says, "It's managing the company by deciding which messages to allow through." The Boss says, "All I'm getting is e-mail about hair growth and... ooh, another lucky guess."
A man says, "Please introduce yourself by saying your name and who you work for." A woman says, "My name is Erin and I work for Sue Boysenberry." The man says, "Wow, lucky. I hear she's great." Another man says, "Can you give her my resume?" One Minute Later The second man says, "I'm so sorry for you." Another woman says, "You must cry a lot." The second man says, "If you ever need to talk to someone, I know a good shrink." The second man says, "He can prescribe pills that will make you feel self-employed." The second woman says, "Be strong. We'll all pray for you." The first man says, "Next."
Dogbert the Time Management Expert. Dogbert says, "I can tell by looking at you that it doesn't matter what you do with your time." Dogbert says, "I don't think you'll be curing cancer if I give you a few extra hours per week." Dogbert says, "In fact, it would probably increase your chances of getting it." A man says, "Are we done? I need a smoke?"
The Boss says, "Go to human resources for a psychological evaluation." Dilbert says, "Why??? Have I said anything that is abnormal?" The Boss says, "You're an engineer. Everything you say is abnormal." Catbert says, "Question one: How many bodies are hidden in the crawl space under your house?" Dilbert says, "If they are hidden, how would I know?" Catbert says, "Well, maybe you would smell them." Dilbert says, "Not if they were wrapped in heavy plastic and sealed in concrete." Wally says, "How'd it go?" Dilbert says, "Not so good."
Dilbert says, "I think my girlfriend is only dating me to get free tech support." Dogbert says, "I'm very surprised you think that." Dilbert says, "Because it's unlikely?" Dogbert says, "Because it shows self-awareness." Dilbert says, "She might grow to love me." Dogbert says, "And... back to normal."
CEO: Who thought of this idea? The Boss: I came up with it all by myself. My subordinates, who have a healthy fear of losing their jobs, had nothing to do with it. Right? Wally: We're not worth the oxygen we breathe. Dilbert: I don't even know why I'm here. CEO: I asked because it's an awful idea. The Boss: You said I was stealing credit for a good idea, you lying liar!! CEO: Oh, wait. I read it wrong. This is actually a great idea. The Boss: Thanks. I know it was a winner when I thought of Dilbert: You gave him a good idea? Wally: Not intentionally. It must have been a typo.