Software Engineer Comic Strips - Page 8

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528 Results for Software Engineer

View 71 - 80 results for software engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Software Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

How Long For New Feature

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How Long For New Feature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #excuse, #legacy, #deception, #engineer, #programmer, #engineering

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Tina: How long would it take to add that feature to the legacy system? Wally: That depends. When will the new system replace the legacy system? Tina: In six months. Wally: The new feature would take seven months.

Add Feature To Legacy System

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Add Feature To Legacy System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #legacy, #development, #change, #obstinacy, #engineers, #stalemate

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Man: Wally, I need you to add a feature to the legacy system while we wait for the new software to go live. Wally: My job is to prevent people such as you from adding features to our legacy system. Man: But it's my job to make you do it. Wally: One of us has a terrible job.

Estimating Software Completion

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Estimating Software Completion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #estimate, #deadline, #questioning, #delay, #prediction

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Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.

Standup Meeting

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Standup Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #software, #engineer, #coding, #jargon, #language, #technology, #engineering

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Dilbert: Are you coming to the standup meeting? Wally: Is it okay if I sit instead? Dilbert: No, that would ruin the software. Dilbert: Did that make sense when I said it? Wally: No, and it isn't aging well either.

Agile Methodology

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Agile Methodology - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agile, #coding, #engineer, #method, #misunderstanding, #software, #technology, #engineering

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Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sarcasm, #obliviousness, #future, #psychic

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Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.

Robotic Hair Transplant

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Robotic Hair Transplant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee, #conversation, #hair, #surgery, #medical

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Never go to a robotic hair transplant center on the same day they upgrade the software. Is that the surgery where they take hair from the back of your head and fill in the bald spot? That's how the old software worked. The new one didn't respect boundaries.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #analogy, #false equivalence, #frustration

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Narrator: The bad analogy guy. Dilbert: And that's why I want to rewrite that part of the software. Man: That's like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. Dilbert: No, it isn't anything like that. I just think the current software could bet better. Man: So it's like throwing away the baby with the bathwater. Dilbert: No, it is not like that even a little! Man: You sound exactly like Hitler. That can't be a coincidence. Dilbert: Nothing you say makes sense! Man: That's like saying the earth is flat.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

It Sounded Like Feng Shui

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It Sounded Like Feng Shui - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #obliviousness, #distraction, #attention

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Boss: Why haven't you finished writing the software? Dilbert: Because each of your interruptions took me out of the zone and turned a simple task into a nightmare. Catbert: What did he mean by that? Boss: It sounded like some sort of feng shui.