Software Is Worn Comic Strips - Page 8
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300 Results for Software Is Worn
View 71 - 80 results for software is worn comic strips. Discover the best "Software Is Worn" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday December 19,
2016
Who's Turn To Lie
Sunday October 30,
2016
Tags #hypothetical, #worst-case scenario, #pessimism, #nightmare
Transcript
Boss: What's the worst-case scenario? Dilbert: A rogue nation could insert a cyberweapon on our software. The virus could destroy all technology on Earth. Lacking the means to communicate over great distances, single people would only be able to marry people who lived nearby. I could end up marrying your daughter. That would make you my father-in-law and my boss. That nightmare would cause me to denounce humankind and go live in a park, naked, with a family of squirrels. When winter came, I would be forced to strangle the squirrels, one by one, to make myself a coat. I can't tan leather, so that would be a senseless tragedy. Boss: Let's try to avoid that.
Thursday October 20,
2016
Different Time Estimates
Tags #quote, #estimate, #time, #deadline, #length, #pessimism
Transcript
Boss: I'm getting wildly different estimates for how long it will take to write the software. Dilbert: Based on my experience, I say take the longest estimate and multiply it by three. Boss: Is experience exactly the same as pessimism? Dilbert: Experience is much worse.
Wednesday August 17,
2016
A System For Transferring Mistakes
Tags #blame, #mistake, #boss, #review, #human resources, #revenge, #business
Transcript
Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.
Tuesday August 16,
2016
Boss Buys Software Without Help
Tags #bad advice, #Advice, #sales, #lying, #deception, #business
Transcript
Boss: I bought new software for our network. Dilbert: Who helped you on the technical side? Boss: The vendor. He said our current software uses the wrong kind of electricity.
Saturday July 30,
2016
Wally And Agile Programming
Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #avoid, #evasion, #acrobatics
Transcript
Boss: I'll ask Wally to write this software. I haven't seen him since he took that agile programming class.
Sunday July 17,
2016
Tags #technology, #learning, #education, #tutorial, #frustration
Transcript
Dilbert: I love living in a world where everything I need to know is on the Internet. I'll just hop over to YouTube and learn how to use my new app. Perfect! I can choose from over a hundred different tutorials! It will only take me an hour or so to figure out which one refers to my version of the software. Narrator: One hour later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! These videos are poorly labeled! Narrator: Two hours later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! This guy talks too slowly! Get to the point! Narrator: Three hours later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why are my menu options different from the tutorial? I hate living in a world where everything I need to know is on the Internet.
Sunday June 26,
2016
Tags #goals, #accomplishment, #consciousness, #death, #achievement, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.
Sunday May 01,
2016
Tags #election, #voting, #technology, #fraud, #cheating, #vote, #Politics
Transcript
Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?
Saturday April 23,
2016
Elbonians Steal Encryption Software
Tags #encryption, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #terrorist
Transcript
Elbonian 1: I stole the enemy's encryption-breaking software. Elbonian 2: My phone doesn't have a hole for this. I think it needs an adapter or something. Elbonian 1: Is it time to admit we're in over our heads? Elbonian 2: Why are the heathens so good at this stuff?