Team Players Comic Strips - Page 8

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227 Results for Team Players

View 71 - 80 results for team players comic strips. Discover the best "Team Players" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leadership, #smart way, #leading, #acting, #twisting, #hired idiots

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Boss: You didn't show leadership on your project. Dilbert: Are you saying I didn't do things in a smart way? Boss: Leading is different from acting in the smartest way. Dilbert: So... either I can do things the smart way or I can be a leader like you? Boss: Stop twisting things around! You need to be smart and you need to show leadership! You can't expect your team to do what you want just because it's the smartest path. Dilbert: Remind me which one of us hired those idiots.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #ignorance (knowledge), #project team, #forrest fire, #dropping baby, #analogy, #available people, #stop progress

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Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #laziness, #insuffcemt light, #interpret, #accomplishments, #project team, #buzzwords, #duplicates, #harvesting organs, #business

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Boss: Wally, this is my brother, Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light. I asked him to interpret your accomplishments for this quarter. Phil You have 25 alleged accomplishments. Eight of these accomplishments involved simply being on a project team that did something. Nine accomplishments involved fixing problems you created. Five of these are just buzzwords that don't mean anything. And three are duplicates that you reworded to appear different. I'd recommend harvesting his organs, but those probably don't work either. Wally: That's just mean.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #revenge, #power outage, #project team, #journey

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Wally: Do you have any work I can do during this power outage? Boss: You could meet with your project team. Wally: There's no way to contact them to schedule it. Boss: Why did you even bring it up? Wally: Sometimes it's about the journey.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #work ethic, #too many smart people, #boost perfromance, #strategy, #not paying attention

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Boss: Studies say that having too many smart people in a group lowers productivity. So I seeded this project team with an idiot to boost performance. Coworker: My strategy of not paying attention in school is finally paying off.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alcoholic beverages, #boardwalk empire, #degenerated, #experince, #forklift jousting, #free beer, #fridays, #team building

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Boss: The company will no longer offer free beer on Fridays. It started as a team-building experience, but it degenerated into forklift jousting in the warehouse. Wally: I'm going all "Boardwalk Empire" on you now, Volstead! Boss: I hope that means something good.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #team members, #work, #motivation, #make waves

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Dilbert: I can't get one of my team members to do any work. I'm hoping you can talk to his boss. Boss: I don't want to make waves. Dilbert: It's your job to make waves! They pay you to make waves, you worthless pile of stupidity! Oops. Wally: I heard you made waves. How'd that work out? Dilbert: Surprisingly bad.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #good leader, #ego, #great leaders, #awesome, #business

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Catbert: A good leader puts his team ahead of his own ego. Boss: What do great leaders do? I'm thinking it's the opposite, right? Catbert: They don't do what you just did. Boss: They don't be awesome?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #projects, #meetings, #ambiguous golas, #no budget, #angry team, #overworked people

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Boss: How's your project going? Dilbert: Do you mean the one that has no management support, ambiguous goals, no budget, and an angry team of overworked people who want it to die? Boss: No, the other one. Dilbert: Sometimes there isn't an "other one."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #improvement plan, #90 day, #individual honor, #valuable service, #polite, #thanks, #business

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Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?