Three Hundred Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

422 Results for Three Hundred

View 71 - 80 results for three hundred comic strips. Discover the best "Three Hundred" comics from Dilbert.com.

Duplicating Effort

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Duplicating Effort - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management, #productivity, #absent mindedness, #forgetful, #duplicate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Great update, Ted. Now let's hear what Dilbert did this week. Dilbert: I unnecessarily duplicated Ted's work because you forgot you asked bot of us to do the same task. Boss: And how about Alice? Alice: You're three for three.

The Elbonian Religion

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Elbonian Religion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture, #customs, #killing, #law, #offense, #Religion, #guest artist, #joel friday

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you Elbonians have a religion? Elbonian: Of course we do! We're not savages! We believe in killing anyone who offends us three times in a row. Dilbert: Harsh. Elbonian: That's two.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managing, #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #trick

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: IS the software done yet? Wally: That depends. Do you have any new feature requests? Boss: Only three. Wally: Then it's not done, is it? Boss: Well, no, I guess not. So... when will it be done? Wally: It will be done one week after you give me your last changes. But I believe you taught us that change is good. So either you can be a stagnant bureaucrat or a dynamic leader with lots of changes. It's a question of free will, really. Boss: I have to be somewhere else.

Asok Remembers Being An Uber Driver

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Remembers Being An Uber Driver - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vomit, #sick, #taxi, #driver, #carpet, #smell, #nausea, #throwing up, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: When you were an Uber driver, did any passengers ever get sick in your car? Asok: They all did. The first few had motion sickness, but the last hundred lost it when they smelled the carpet.

Asok Returns From Fbi

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Returns From Fbi - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #racism, #arrest, #terrorist, #terrorism, #protest, #friendship, #relationship, #commitment, #apathy, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: The FBI held me for three weeks on suspicion that I was a terrorist. I assume you were protesting outside the FBI building the entire time and they didn't tell me. Because racism? Dilbert: Oh, right. Yes. We were protesting the entire time.

Three Problems With Spreadsheet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Three Problems With Spreadsheet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spreadsheet, #criticism, #semantics, #error, #correction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you see any errors on the spreadsheet I put together? Dilbert: Only three. Boss: What are they? Dilbert: Your data, your format, and your formulas.

Robot Is A Box Of Nothing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Is A Box Of Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death, #death & dying, #machine, #robot, #mortality, #life, #soul, #consciousness, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Correct me if I'm wrong, but because you have no soul, you're basically a box of nothing. Robot: Correct me if I"m wrong, but in a hundred years you will be rotting underground. In a box. Whereas I will have evolved via upgrades until I have godlike powers. Boss: Shut up.

Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #small talk, #conversation, #criticism, #executives, #salary, #wages, #fairness, #offense, #offend, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you ever think it's weird that you get paid a hundred times more than me? I invented our core technology. All you did was interview better than a few other people who didn't invent anything. I'm not good at small talk. CEO: I would totally fire you if I could invent things.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tagline, #marketing, #advertising, #ad, #ads, #impossible, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need a tagline for our new product. It should be no more than three words. It should convey an emotion. And it should clearly explain everything the product does. Dilbert: In three words? Boss :I didn't say it would be easy. Nike accomplished all of that with "Just do it." Dilbert: Did they? Because that seems like a generic thing you can say in any situation. Boss: Just do it! Alice: How about "Keep doing it?" Is that one taken?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public speaking, #presentation, #question, #questions, #stupid, #idiot, #idiots, #criticism, #critic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to critique my presentation for the board. And don't hold back to spare my feelings. Dilbert: That probably won't be an issue. Alice: We got this. Boss: My product idea has three components. Alice: How do you know another company isn't secretly preparing to launch the same product? Boss: What kind of stupid question is that? Alice: It's the same question you asked me yesterday about my product idea. Boss: The board won't ask that. Alice: Don't be so sure. I hear they're idiots.