Top Engineers Comic Strips - Page 8

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362 Results for Top Engineers

View 71 - 80 results for top engineers comic strips. Discover the best "Top Engineers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #vacations, #work ethic, #unlimited vacation policy, #200 days off, #double productivity, #no way to measure

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Wally: I'm planning to take advantage of our new unlimited vacation policy. I'll be gone for two hundred days in the coming year. And I guarantee I will still double my productivity compared to the prior year. Boss: There's no way to measure productivity for engineers. Wally: Good to know.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #sales personnel, #offer discount, #chair, #runaway

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Salesman vs. Engineer Dilbert: Can you offer us a discount? Salesman: I had something like that in mind, except instead of giving a discount, I would hit you with a chair and run away. Dilbert: Please don't do that. Salesman: Okay, but I'll have to charge you extra.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #Family, #right to asylum, #surveillance, #execute dilbert, #treason, #top secret data, #graves, #shovel, #backyard

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NSA Agent: Your son is a traitor who stole top-secret data from his own government. We'd like you to talk him into leaving the Elbonian embassy so we can execute him for treason.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #ignorance (knowledge), #big tech firms, #hiring people, #prestigious degrees, #hiring idiots, #vacuum up, #hiring accused murderers, #bail

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Catbert: The big tech firms say they no longer care about hiring people who have prestigious degrees. Obviously, they're trying to sucker the rest of us into hiring idiots while they vacuum up the people from the top schools. CEO: We need to get on this. Catbert: We could say we get good results by hiring accused murderers who are out on bail.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #managers & supervisors, #new strategy, #engineers, #middle manager, #glue, #binds, #vague objectives, #business

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Carol: What did our CEO have to say? Boss: He has a new strategy, but it seems vague. Carol: What will the engineers think about it? Boss: They don't care about this stuff. Carol: What exactly does a middle manager do? Boss: We're the glue that binds the apathy to the vague objectives.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #office buildings, #work ethic, #prodcutivity, #cubicles, #one clown car

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Boss: Productivity went down when we moved the engineers from private offices to cubicles. Productivity went down again when we tried to open the office plan. CEO: Have we tried putting all of them in one clown car? Boss: No, but I don't see why that wouldn't work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #wages, #bounuses, #usual formula, #pure luck, #performance, #huge consumer demand, #bad job, #marketing, #engineers, #bonus, #hard wrok, #business, #money

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Boss: Your bonuses this year will be based on the usual formula. 50% is based on pure luck. And 50% is based on the performance of people you have never met. This year, the luck factor was good. Our industry experienced huge consumer demand. Unfortunately, people who you have never met did a bad job of marketing and sales are terrible. And for that, you engineers must be punished. No bonuses for you. Luckily for me, my bonus is based on how well I can convince you idiots to work hard while getting no bonuses. I don't like to brag, but I'm fairly sure I'm nailing it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ordnance testing, #tremble in fear, #new missile, #enemies tremble, #corncobs, #elbonia

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Elbonian 1: Comrades of North Elbonia, our new missile will make our enemies tremble in fear! Elbonian 2: Really? It looks like you tied a bunch of corncobs to a tree stump and put a small pumpkin on top. Elbonian 1: This isn't the missile, and you have insulted my girlfriend.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #questioning, #navigation button, #top of page, #idea people, #difficult, #people not answering

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Dilbert: Would it be better with the navigation button at the top of the page? Coworker: I can make that change. Dilbert: I know you can make the change. I'm asking if you agree it would be a good idea. Coworker: It's no problem to move buttons. Dilbert: But is it a good idea? Coworker: I can have it done in ten minutes. Dilbert: But should we do it at all? Coworker: Whatever you want. Dilbert: That is not an answer! Forget it! I'm going to tell your boss you're difficult to work with. Asok: When will you move the button. Coworker: As soon as it's my idea.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #questioning, #bought start up, #million dollars, #diet coke, #wine

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Alice: We bought a start-up just so we could get the engineers, including you. Do something that's worth a million dollars. I want to see what that looks like. Coworker: You don't sound entirely sincere. Alice: Can you turn my Diet Coke into wine?