Totally Contagious Comic Strips - Page 8

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177 Results for Totally Contagious

View 71 - 80 results for totally contagious comic strips. Discover the best "Totally Contagious" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fear, #terrorists, #viruses, #elbonian kidnappers, #refused ransom pay, #stockholm syndrome, #identifying with captors, #beating up, #contagious

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Asok says, "I thought my Elbonian kidnappers would hold me forever because you refused to pay the ransom." Asok says, "Then the Stockholm effect kicked in. I started identifying with my captors and beating myself." The Boss says, "And they let you go?" Asok says, "Apparently it looked contagious."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #competitor from future, #terminate company, #issue, #time travle, #robot building skills, #zombies

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Dilbert says, "A competitor from the future is sending robots back in time to terminate our company." Dilbert says, "So far it's not much of an issue because their time travel technology is way ahead of their robot-building skills." Wally says, "Is that as fun as it looks?" Alice says, "Totally. They're like zombies, but crunchier."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #computer, #headset, #marketing research, #social security number, #bank pin, #maiden name, #poverty, #identity theft, #technology

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Dogbert says, "Hello, this is the Dogbert Market Research Company. May I ask you some totally harmless questions?" Dogbert says, "What is your social security number, bank pin number and mother's maiden name?" Dilbert says, "What exactly are you researching?" Dogbert says, "Poverty rates. I'm shooting for 100%."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #employee, #human resources, #Promotion, #raise, #facebook; social networks, #excited, #business

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Catbert says, "For the past six months you've done nothing but update your Facebook page." Catbert says, "Now we have an opening for a marketing manager for social networks and you're totally qualified. It's a huge raise and promotion." Man says, "Crime pays! I knew it!!!" Catbert says, "We're hoping you can lie as well as you steal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #buzzword, #idiot, #intern, #grab tie, #cross eyes, #business

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Dilbert says, "Tradition requires that every meeting has one buzzword-babbling idiot." Dilbert says, "We have no natural today, so Asok has graciously agreed to fill the role." Alice says, "Good job. You're totally selling it." Asok says, "We need a multi-platform application strategy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #consult, #customer data, #money, #meeting, #front, #ethical, #enemy, #business

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "Customer data is an asset that you can sell." Dogbert says, "It's totally ethical because our customers would do the same thing to us if they could." The Boss says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "In phase one, we'll dehumanize the enemy by calling them 'data.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2010's comic on:


Tags #book deal, #quotes, #stupid, #dumb, #quote fingers, #intellectual, #tweet, #twitter, #social media, #angry, #grit teeth, #nonsense, #yell, #spill coffee, #technology

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Asok says, "Good news: I got a book deal based entirely on the dumb things you've said." Asok says, "It's totally legal because the law only protects 'intellectual' property." The Boss says, "Frugga bugga!!!" Asok says, "And so began the sequel."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #facebook, #twitter, #marketing, #social media, #new employee, #coworker, #cats, #drunk, #stupid, #business, #technology

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Beth says, "As the marketing manager for social media, my job is to use these two words a lot." Beth says, "Marketing through social media is like herding cats. And just to make it interesting, many of the cats are drunk and stupid." Dilbert says, "Burn." Catbert says, "I am totally defriending that witch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #phone, #lunch, #talk about products, #reject, #woman, #attractive

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Carl says, "Let's have lunch so I can tell you about our products." Dilbert says, "No thanks." Dilbert says, "I don't like meeting new people." Dilbert says, "Every person I meet chips away at my freedom." Dilbert says, "If I have lunch with you, I'll feel an obligation to return your pestering phone calls." Dilbert says, "My lunchtime is the only chance I get during the day to scrape off the leeches." Dilbert says, "Nothing personal." Woman says, "Do you want to have lunch and discuss our new product line?" Dilbert says, "Sure!" Dilbert says, "Carl, you are totally in the wrong profession."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2010's comic on:


Tags #project, #transfer, #honesty, #truth, #limbo cube, #sad, #flashy, #sexy

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The Boss says, "I?m glad your project was transferred to my department, Ronald." The Boss says, "Your project is flashy! It's sexy!" The Boss says, "But it's not worth funding because the revenue projections are puny." The Boss says, "Until something changes, you'll be in the limbo cube." The Boss says, "I'll trot you out whenever a customer or an executive visits." The Boss says, "You can show your sexy-flashy powerpoint slides while dreaming of being relevant." The Boss says, "If you work hard, someday you'll be totally forgotten." The Boss says, "Did you know that honesty makes people sad?"