Useless Binders Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for useless binders comic strips. Discover the best "Useless Binders" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ridiculous, #waste, #time, #pointing, #useless, #stupidity

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Man says, "Someone borrowed the unit you asked to see, so I'll show you pictures of models you aren't interested in." Man says, "There's one you don't want?And you sure don't want that one?" Dilbert says, "And how does this help?" Man says, "Would you like a CD of products we no longer carry?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #useless, #questioning, #ridiculous

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The boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to audit the software we have on our systems." Dilbert says, "Why?" The boss says, "So we know what we have." Dilbert says, "Who will use the information?" The boss says, "It's just important to have." DIlbert says, "It will be out of date before I'm even done." The boss says, "Do your best." Dilbert says, "The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up." The boss says, "I hope no one ever comes here to learn our best practices."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reading, #budget, #fixing, #failure

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The boss says, "We can only afford to fix the high-priority bugs." Dilbert says, "If we don't fix 100% of the bugs, the software will be 100% useless." Dilbert says, "So our plan is to fail?" The boss says, "More slowly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #realization, #angry, #useless, #meaningless, #breakdown, #screaming, #yelling, #ignoring

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The boss says, "Asok, I want to scrub the CPS database." Asok says, "No one uses that data." Asok the intern says, "But you are incapable of admitting error. So now I must dedicate my time to a thoroughly useless task." The boss thinks, "This job got easier when I stopped listening." Asok says, "It's like death, but without the glamour!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #employee, #graduate, #new, #avoiding, #useless, #business

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Man says, "I just got my MBA, and I'm here to solve all of your problems." Dilbert says, "Our products are junk and we're completely out of capital." Man says, "Have you tried jargon?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #firing, #downsizing, #ridicule, #nervous, #rude, #mean

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The boss says, "Ted, I want to thank you for your 14 years of loyal service in this fabric-covered box." The boss says, "On a related note. The company has decided to right-size." The boss says, "And keeping you would be the wrong size." the boss says, "Clear out your debris in an hour so I can use your cubicle to store my old binders." Ted says, "Who will do my job?" the boss says, "no one." ted says, "So...for all practical purposes I am being replaced by a pile of old binders?" The boss says, "If it makes you feel better, the binders are useless. Everything is online now." Ted says, "So...I'm better than old binders?" The boss says, "Maybe this would be a good time to change the subject."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #colors, #useless, #hatred, #complaining, #business

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The boss says, "At the value stream stand up meeting, all status reports must be in the form of red, yellow, or green." Mauve Ecru Cerulean Puce the boss says, "Sometimes the only point of a meeting is to remind me how much I hate them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #colossal waste, #different light, #less usless, #unimportant, #staff meetings

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Wally says, "I took a class on being less useless. Now I see the world in a different light." Wally says, "For example, I recognize these staff meetings as colossal wastes of time, but there's nothing I can do about them." Wally says, "Now my helplessness makes my uselessness seem unimportant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #class, #less useless, #carry coffee cups, #work faster, #two hands

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Wally says, "I took a class to learn how to be less useless." Wally says, "Now I carry twice as many coffee cups wherever I go." Carol says, "Does that make you work faster?" Wally says, "I only have two hands."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advice to intern, #don't finish on deadline, #freedom, #overworked, #less time, #nitpick

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wally: Heed my advice, young Asok. Only an idiot finishes a project before the deadline. The less time you give people to nitpick. The more time you have to pretend you are overworked." Freedom is just another word for people finding out you're useless.