You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #executives, #weapons, #constructive criticsim, #humble intern, #eye lasers, #stings, #surprise, #ceo, #evil

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Would you accept some constructive criticism from a humble intern? CEO: Activating eye lasers! Asok: It stings for a few minutes, and then you surprise yourself with what you can get used to.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #cloudwash, #argon, #smart people, #software to cloud

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to cloudwash our software. Dilbert: Cloudwash? Boss: Move some of its functions onto the internet, but call the internet a cloud. No one will take us seriously unless we're doing something in the cloud. Dilbert: Will people take us seriously if we make technology decisions based on jargon? Boss: We don't care what smart people think. There aren't many of them. We only need to convince our dumb customers. Dumb people believe anything. Dilbert: Do you believe I moved our software to the cloud yesterday? Boss: You did? Dilbert: I'm going to say yes.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #executives, #wages, #long tern survival, #innovate ways, #cannibalize, #current prodcuts, #lose a fortune, #ceo's compensation, #revenue dips, #hovel, #some ideas, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #consumer protection, #court ordered, #good defense, #internal emails, #known to be dangerous

View Transcript

Transcript

Lawyer: The court ordered us to turn over all of our internal emails. Have you ever mentioned in email that our products are known to be dangerous but we don't care? CEO: I don't even know what products we make. Lawyer: That's a good defense. We might need that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #capitalism, #electronic mail, #colorful opions, #email, #advertising plan, #discoverable record, #describing advertising, #pinocchio doing backstroke

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Please stop using email to express your colorful opinions of our marketing campaign. We don't need a discoverable record of you describing our advertising plan as "Pinocchio doing the backstroke in Satan's septic tank." Remember that capitalism without deniability is the same as poverty. Dilbert: Eh?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #honesty, #fester, #hatred, #pale doughy body, #tree of knowledge, #falls on head, #die ironically

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Carol, if you have any issues, just be honest. Don't let anything fester. Carol: I hate every subatomic particle in your pale, doughy body. I hope the tree of knowledge falls on your head so you die ironically. Boss: I need to rethink my no-festering rule. Carol: Tree of knowledge... get it?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #wages, #saved company millions, #no bonus, #ceo plans, #500 million, #acquisitions, #go team, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, your great work this year saved the company $10 million. But I can't give you a bonus because our CEO plans to write down $500 million for acquisitions gone bad. Go team!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #poor persons, #rich people, #homely, #middle class, #capitalism

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I don't know how to say this delicately so I'll just say it. Looking at your homely, middle-class face makes my skin crawl. Never speak directly to me again. Sometimes I think they don't understand capitalism.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #resume, #piece of work, #lie, #exaggeration, #mispelling, #bad format, #failed prodcuts, #salsa dancer, #applicants resume, #handsome fellow, #busted

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Take a look at this resume. Alice: Ha ha! This guy is a piece of work! Lie... lie... exaggeration... misspelling... bad format... worked on failed products. Ooh! He's also a champion salsa dancer. What a tool! Wait. Why aren't you joining in the traditional mocking of the applicant's resume? Dilbert: I'm waiting to find out if he's the handsome fellow standing behind you. Alice: Scoot over. You're blocking my view of a handsome guy.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #engineers, #middleman, #worse case scenario, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: One of your engineers came to me with a suggestion. Boss: Gasp! CEO: The only reason I have middle managers is so this never happens. Dilbert: Hey, buddy. What are we talking about? CEO: Gaaa!!! Worst case scenario!