2018 Comic Strips - Page 8

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Catbert Personality Test

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Catbert Personality Test - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, applicants, personality, test, reliable, Astrology, reliability

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Catbert: All job applicants must take the Catbert personality test to see how well they will fit into our culture. Studies show the test is twice as reliable as using astrology alone. Man: Astrology has zero reliability. Catbert: You're not a good fit.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, scripts, software, project, hardware, tests, version, final, release, volunteering, testing, player

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The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.

When Will Ted By Done

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When Will Ted By Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, data, ted, working, done, range

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The Boss: When will I get the test data? Dilbert: I don't know Ted is working on that. The Boss: When do you think he will be done? Dilbert: I know. I'm not Ted. The Boss: Just give me a range. Dilbert: Between one day and seven-hundred years.

Yelling At Tina

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Yelling At Tina - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, tina, information, requested, disappointment, normal, tone, voice, yelling

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The Boss: Tina says you yelled at her for not having the information you requested. Incorrect. I expressed my disappointment with a normal tone of voice. The Boss: Stop yelling at me!!! Dilbert: I no longer know what "yelling" means.

You Have To Work Hard To Succeed

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You Have To Work Hard To Succeed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, Wally, work, hard, single, day, years, succeed, topic

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The Boss: If you want to succeed, you have to work hard every single day for years. Dilbert: That sounds awful. You just talked me out of wanting to succeed. Did you work that hard to get where you are? The Boss: Next topic!

Copersons

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Copersons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, correct, co-worker, work, co-person, leech

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Dilbert: What is the correct name for a co-worker who doesn't do any actual work? I'm thinking "co-person," or possibly just, "leech." Wally: Are we working right now? Dilbert: Good point, co-person.

Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless

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Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, team, meeting, lazy, useless, propose, marinate, bile, raise, hands, grunt

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Dilbert: Everyone on this team except me is lazy and useless. I propose that I do all of the work for the team. While the rest of you marinate in your own bile. All in

Everyone Else Is Worthless

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Everyone Else Is Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, fire, pawn, problems, project, the boss, useless, work

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The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Wally, computer, problem, crumbs, crosstalk, protocols, help

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Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.

Dogbert The Sociopath

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Dogbert The Sociopath - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, test, sociopath, question, lost, interest, end, conversation

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Dogbert: I took a test to find out if I'm a sociopath. I got every question right. Dilbert: And by "right," you mean...? Dogbert: I already lost interest in your end of the conversation.