500 Million Comic Strips - Page 8

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151 Results for 500 Million

View 71 - 80 results for 500 million comic strips. Discover the best "500 Million" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #power supply, #product overheats, #burst into flames, #level city, #military application, #costs, #ten million, #free hammer, #consulting job, #uninhabited, #atoll

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The Boss is sitting at his desk. Dilbert enters and says, "The power supply in our product overheats." The Boss turns to an employee seated next to him and says, "I think they might burst into flames." The employee approaches a businesswoman and says, "I'm no engineer but obviously it could level a whole city." The businesswoman motions towards a diagram of an explosion that reads, "POW!!" She says to the seated military officer, "The military application is obvious." The military officer asks stoically, "How much do they cost?" The businesswoman answers furtively, "Does 10 million dollars sound like too much?" The military officer raises his fist in protest and exclaims, "For that kind of money I expect a free hammer! And a consulting job when I retire." Dilbert is sitting at his desk in front of his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "If an uninhabited atoll doesn't blow up tomorrow you're in big trouble."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #10 thousand hours, #genetic makeup, #laziness, #million hours, #become an expert

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Alice: People used to think it took 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert. But now people think the amount of practice you need depends on your genetic makeup. So you'd be good to go after a million or so hours. Wally: See why I don't bother?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #sales personnel, #linux, #million dollars, #pay for upgrade, #away for free

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Dogbert: I'll sell you the rights to use Linux for one million dollars. After the first month, you only need to pay for every upgrade. Boss: It sounds too good to be true. Dogbert: It's not as if I'm giving it away for free.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #rich people, #wages, #ceo lifestyle, #yacht, #penthouse, #estate, #priceless art, #million dollar watch, #money

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Dilbert: Hey, look! There's a story on the Internet about your fabulous CEO lifestyle. Here's a picture of your yacht, your penthouse in New York, your palatial estate, and your priceless art. CEO: This really isn't the time. Dilbert: Said the man with the million-dollar watch.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #obliviousness, #million units, #customers happy, #our goals, #their goals, #this quarter

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CEO: Our goal is to ship a million units this quarter. Dilbert: Do we have any goals that involve making customers happy? CEO: I'm talking about our goals, not their goals. Boss: Totally different.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blackmail, #morality, #morals, #angel investor, #pantless, #drunk, #photos, #phone camera, #million dollar seed investment, #tie score

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Alice: I met with that angel investor at his house and he answered the door pantsless and drunk. So I snapped a few photos with my phone and secured a million-dollar seed investment. Was that wrong? Dilbert: Let's call it a tie.

500 Pages Would Be Rubbish

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500 Pages Would Be Rubbish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #writing, #criticism, #technical writer, #warning, #caution, #safety

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Boss: You need to edit the product warning from seven hundred pages down to one. Tina: Oh, that's rich. I'ma professional technical writer, and you're telling me how to write? Boss: Can you cut it down to 500 pages? Tina: Sure, if you want it to be total rubbish.

Employer Of The Year

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Employer Of The Year - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advertising, #managers & supervisors, #employer, #year, #million dollars, #attitude, #business

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boss: i'm proud to announce that we've been named "employer of the year." dilbert: how much did that cost? boss: nothing! all we had to do was buy a million dollars' worth of ads. dilbert: did we need those ads? boss: you won't win any awards with that attitude.

Ceo Speaks Out

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Ceo Speaks Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #political issues, #stock, #stock market, #plunged, #voice, #injustice, #bonus, #million, #dollars, #Advice

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catbert: our stock plunged 30% because you spoke out on a political issue. ceo: no one can silence my voice when i see a great injustice. catbert: this will cost you your entire bonus of $10 million. ceo: what if i agree to never speak again?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prosperity, #saving & investment, #portfolio, #standard industry, #investing, #billion dollars, #index funds, #money

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Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.