Any Rumors False Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for any rumors false comic strips. Discover the best "Any Rumors False" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boredom, #golf, #golf game, #boss, #talk about game, #locked in syndrome, #no visitors, #Sports

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Boss: Who wants to hear about my golf game? Alice: Maybe someone with locked-in syndrome who doesn't get any visitors. Boss: Just for that, I'm going to tell you twice. Alice: No, please. I'll do anything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #public speaking, #let slide, #power point, #presentation, #bored, #sleeping audience, #low expectations

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Dilbert: And that's my last slide, any comments? Woman: You stole an hour of my life, something inside me died. I will never have another good day. Dilbert: I went in with low expectations. Wally: They can't hurt you if you're already dead.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thinking, #worry, #no probelms, #insane, #universe, #nail waiting for hammer, #pre frontal cortex, #anticipation, #too smooth, #mysteriously calm, #uncomforatbale

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Dilbert: I'm worried because I don't seem to have any problems today. Wally: Uh-oh. Dilbert: That either means I'm insane or the universe is saving up something big. Wally: Or both. Dilbert: I feel like a nail waiting to get hammered. Wally: The pre-frontal cortex is overrated.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #electronic mail, #reschedule, #installation, #defense, #miscommunication, #email, #denial

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Boss: I told you to reschedule the installation date. Dilbert: That conversation never happened. Maybe you planned to say it and then the thought morphed into a false memory. Boss: I'm sure I emailed you. Dilbert: You might want to pick a defense that's less checkable.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #rich people, #top 1%, #Women, #sisters, #hot, #attraction, #co worker, #relationships

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Wally: Now that I'm a top one-percenter, I wonder what kind of women I'll attract. Do you have any sisters back home? I'm asking because you'd be totally hot if you were a woman. So I'm thinking hoo-ah! Asok: I cannot count the number of ways this is wrong.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #executive program, #relocate, #vindictive, #stress, #loser, #turn down opportunity, #train, #discomfort, #underlings

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Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benefits of personhood, #chemical nutrients, #death & dying, #inventions, #petri dish, #robot, #scientific equipment, #skin cells, #sneezes, #science

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Wally: Before I die, I plan to put some of my skin cells in a petri dish with chemical nutrients and store it inside a robot. By law, I will still be alive as long as any part of my body is functioning. My robot will enjoy the full benefits of personhood. My robot and I will live forever! Dilbert: Until it sneezes you out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #monsters, #office equipment, #email servers, #ancestral hime, #reduce expenses, #data vampires, #exagerration, #fiber optic

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I.T. person: I moved our email servers to my ancestral home of Transylbonia to reduce expenses. You might have heard rumors that all Transylbonians are data vampires, but I assure you it's an exaggeration. There's this one guy, Doug..." Transylbonian: Dude! It's fiber-optic! Doug: It's really not my thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #marriage, #interpretation, #annoying, #soul mate, #perceptive, #psychology, #relationships

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Tina: Someday, I want to get married because studies show that married people are happier. Dilbert: A smarter interpretation is that no one wants to marry an unhappy person. Tina: You're annoying. Dilbert: With any luck, your soul mate won't be perceptive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #control computer, #invention, #inventions, #mind, #mobile (cell) phones, #phone, #power, #brain reader, #technology

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Dilbert: My brain reader invention allows me to control any nearby computer. Co-worker: That's nothing! My phone can... Dilbert: I did that with my mind. Co-worker: That's nothing! I made you do it!