Anything You Want Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Anything You Want

View 71 - 80 results for anything you want comic strips. Discover the best "Anything You Want" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #engineering, #interface, #ui, #obstinacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I simplified the user interface as you suggested. You wanted one button to do eleven different functions. It wasn't easy, but I think you'll be pleased. If you want me to turn up the volume... you hold the button down for exactly five seconds... then double-tap, and double-tap again. Then hold for exactly six seconds. Then press it all the way down, then halfway up, then 27 percent back down. And hold for nine seconds. Or you could admit that you don't know anything about interface design. Boss: Never!

Be Like Entrpreneurs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Be Like Entrpreneurs  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #inspiration, #control, #entrepreneur, #risk

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to disrupt our entire industry. And we need to move quickly. But check with me before you do anything. I want you to think like entrepreneurs, but not like the brave ones. People: Can do.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #analogy, #false equivalence, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: The bad analogy guy. Dilbert: And that's why I want to rewrite that part of the software. Man: That's like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. Dilbert: No, it isn't anything like that. I just think the current software could bet better. Man: So it's like throwing away the baby with the bathwater. Dilbert: No, it is not like that even a little! Man: You sound exactly like Hitler. That can't be a coincidence. Dilbert: Nothing you say makes sense! Man: That's like saying the earth is flat.

The Cia Is Listening

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Cia Is Listening - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #speaker, #alexa, #google, #amazon, #spying, #surveillace, #paranoid, #privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Hello. I am a bluetooth speaker and your digital assistant. How may I help you? Man: Just shut up and sit there until I need something. Robot: Did you say" Give the CIA access to your microphone?" Man: Please, no. I'll do anything you want.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #alexa, #echo, #google home, #personality, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I made a huge breakthrough in artificial intelligence. Ask the device anything. Boss: What do you want for dinner? Device: I don't care. What do you want? Boss: I was thinking maybe Chinese food. Device: I'm not in the mood for that. Boss: Then why did you say you don't care?? Device: Now I'm not even hungry. Boss: Why? What's wrong? Device: Nothing is wrong. Boss: you nailed it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #headphones, #borrow, #ears, #reluctant, #smell forever

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: May I borrow your headphones while you're at lunch? Dilbert: would they touch your ears? WALLY: Yes. Dilbert:I reject your request. I don't want cooties on my headphones. Dilbert: Plus, you never return anything you borrow. Wally: Why would you care if my ears touch something you will neve see again? Lets meet halfway. I'll return the headphones, but they will smell of me forever. Dilbert: Then you might as well just keep them! It doesnt feel like he met me halfway.

Employees Who Don't Want Money

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employees Who Don't Want Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #money, #optimism, #ambition

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't want employees who are motivated by money. I want true believers who are trying to make the world a better place. Wally: Those people sound crazy. Dilbert: Can you warn us if you see one?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angry, #business, #office workers, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish the product redesign? Dilbert: You never told me to redesign the product. Boss: I don't want any excuses! Dilbert: You never told me to redesign anything. Boss: Whoa! Leave your pretzel logic at home. You need to learn how to take responsibility for your failures. Dilbert: Okay...I take full responsiblity for you not telling me what you wanted me to do. Boss: You're not doing it right. Dilbert: Should I slap myself while saying it?

Incompetent Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Incompetent Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #bureaucratic, #employees, #incompetent, #inefficiency, #yin, #yang

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert: it might my imagination, but it looks as if all of our employees are incompetent. boss: we need to create a tangle of bureaucratic rules that make it impossible for them to get anything done. catbert: you want to use inefficiency to protect us against incompetence? boss: yin and yang.

Lover Not A Fighter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lover Not A Fighter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #software, #price, #lover, #fighter, #report, #human resources, #bully, #sexual discrimination

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i'd fight with you on the price of this software, but i'm more of a lover than a fighter. female software vendor: are you hitting on me? you'd better buy my software now, or i'll report you to your own human resources. dilbert: okay. okay. i'll do anything you want. female software vendor: wow. you were right when you said you're not a fighter.