Awards For Best Places Comic Strips - Page 8
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View 71 - 80 results for awards for best places comic strips. Discover the best "Awards For Best Places" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share September 03, 2008's comic on:
The Boss says, "We will be adopting the best practices in our industry, just like everyone else." Dilbert says, "If everyone is doing it, best practices is the same thing as mediocre." The Boss says, "STOP MAKING MEDIOCRITY SOUND BAD!" Dilbert says, "Sorry."
Share March 26, 2010's comic on:
The New VP The Boss says, "Don't worry that I wanted your job, or that you have no experience in this field." The Boss says, "I won't try to sabotage you. In fact, I'll send you my best engineer to bring you up to speed." Vice President says, "So... it's called 4G because it's G-G-G-Good." Wally says, "Something like that."
Share July 16, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, "I found a way to keep our best talent from leaving." Dilbert says, "Wow! You found a way to interface a human brain with a robot body to get the best of both!" The Boss says, "Actually, it's just a cool display case, but your thing would be good too."
Share September 28, 2008's comic on:
A man says, "Hi, I'm a customer of your commercial sales division." "The man says, "I heard you would be the best person to answer a technical question..." Dilbert says, "I don't work in that division." The man says, "I know. It's just a quick question." Dilbert says, "If I tell you something different from what the commercial division tells you, I'll get in trouble." Dilbert says, "But I'll also get in trouble for not helping a customer." Dilbert says, "My safest course of action is to fake my own death." The man says, "You're a bad actor." Dilbert says, "It isn't polite to insult the dead."
Share August 19, 2007's comic on:
The Boss: "I called this meeting to discuss the changes to the pension plan." Alice: "We already saw the company-wide e-mail about the changes." Dilbert: "And we're all engineers, so we understand the details better than you do." Alice: "I'll bet you intend to waste our time by reading the e-mail to us." ask: "You can't stop yourself. it's some sort of compulsion." Alice: "If you read that e-mail, it's proof that something is wrong with your brain." The Boss: "Can't...resist...reading...e-mail." "GAAA!!!" Alice & Dilbert: "Best meeting ever."
Share January 06, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert points to a diagram that reads, "Year 1." He says, "The project got off to a slow start." Dilbert continues, "First we had the reorganization." Dilbert continues, "Then the merger. And the layoffs." Dilbert continues, "Budget freeze. Office relocation." Dilbert continues, "New Ceo, New consultants, New strategy." Business associates listen as Dilbert continues, "Eventually the whole industry changed and the opportunity evaporated." Dilbert continues, "So we classified our unused budget as "savings" and gave everyone a shirt. A female business associate turns to The Boss and says, "You said you'd show us your 'best practices.'" The Boss replies, "What are you implying?"
Share January 13, 2002's comic on:
Tags #engineer of the year, #fly to ny, #receive trophy, #winners, #other companies, #critical time, #name someone lese, #sick day, #sleep, #bathe, #carol, #marketing, #upside awards, #on head, #health, #business
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, I'm naming you our company's 'Engineer of the Year.'" The Boss continues, "You'll fly to New York and receive a trophy with the winners from other companies." Alice replies, "I'm too busy. Name someone else." The Boss approaches Dilbert. Dilbert says, "That's a critical time for my project." The Boss approaches Asok. Asok says, "I'm flattered but I already have no time for sleeping or bathing." The Boss approaches Wally. Wally says, "I have a sick day scheduled for that Friday." The Boss says to Carol, "Carol, I need you to go to New York and pretend to be an engineer." Carol is standing with other guests at the award party. They have their awards on their heads; one is drinking from his. A guest says to Carol, "Why yes, most of us ARE really from marketing. How can you tell?"
Share May 15, 2013's comic on:
Dilbert: As you requested, I researched all of the best-selling books on the topic of leadership. Apparently, leadership is the product of sociopathic tendencies plus luck. All other personality traits are inactive ingredients. Wally: Did you actually read all of those books? Dilbert: I only needed to know they were all different.
Share July 11, 2013's comic on:
Share July 16, 2013's comic on:
Coworker: Wally, are you almost done with your part of the project? Wally: I work best under pressure, so I wait until the deadline is almost here. Coworker: What if something more important comes up and you don't have time? Wally: That's the cornerstone of my system.