Beat Authority Figure Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for beat authority figure comic strips. Discover the best "Beat Authority Figure" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ad agency, #stick man, #fire, #gets eaten, #exact science

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THE AD AGENCY: Pete Peters of the Creative Team holds up a picture of a stick figure and says, "The stick man runs through a tire fire and gets eaten by a giant wolverine." Sitting between Wally and Dilbert at the table, The Boss asks, "Will that make people like us?" Pete Peters says, "It's not an exact science."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance, #exceeds expectations, #underachievers, #extra money, #go get money

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Alice enters The Boss' office and says, "My performance exceeds expectations but my pay is based on market averages." Alice continues, "I figure some underachievers are getting the extra money that I earn." Alice continues, "Give me their names so I can go get my money." The Boss replies, "It's Wally."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nuclear power plant, #our process, #gather customer requirements, #free electricity, #mutating, #xray vision

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Dilbert says to Wally and Asok, "None of us has designed a nuclear power plant before but we can figure it out by using our process." Dilbert continues, "In phase one we will gather customer requirements." Asok is meeting with a customer. Asok says, "So.. you want free electricity without mutating, unless the mutation gives you X-Ray vision." The customer responds, "Yep."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clear strategy, #most profit, #do more, #less clear, #illegal

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We need a clear strategy. Does anyone have a suggestion?" Dilbert says, "Let's figure out what makes us the most profit, and then do more of it." The Boss responds, "It needs to be less clear than that." Wally asks, "Can it be illegal?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee rehadb, #rip beard, #death, #state name, #coffee addicting withdrawl, #sleeping, #mean, #nasty, #cutting, #violent, #falls asleep, #medical

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Headline: Coffee Rehab. A man stands at a podium and says, "State your name and how long you've been without coffee." The audience is asleep except for one angry patient who says, "I am going to rip off your little beard and beat you to death with it." The man at the podium thinks to himself, "Don't panic... wait... wait...." The angry patient continues, "And then I'll... um... zzzzzzz, zzzzz, zzz."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #menagerlike work, #criticize, #reorganize, #key board, #hot slef, #noredom, #offcie, #re organizing

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The Boss: It's been a few hours since I've done anything managerish. I could criticize someone...nah. I could have a meeting...nah. Im reorganizing the department. Dilbert: excuse me while i beat myself with my keyboard.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #hits on hire, #crazy mess, #problems, #asks to move in, #wants dinner

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wally: "Your life is a rolling disaster, so I figure I should ask you for a date." "I'm hoping that the source of your problem is that you consistently make poor choices." "Maybe you could buy some groceries and make me a nice dinner." "Would you like to move in with me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #cheaper, #employee wellness program, #sick days, #incentives, #highly paid workers, #more fun

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"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #multitasking, #ignorant bafoon, #coffee, #authority, #business

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Carol: I can't finish everything today. Boss: Try multitasking. Carol: Multitasking? Is that like being an ignorant baboon and drinking coffee at the same time? Boss: I missed what you said because I was drinking coffee.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #energy, #million dollar salary, #secreatry, #shareholder meeting, #spank, #stock options, #turned ugly, #beat up, #bandages, #health

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CEO: The shareholder meeting turned ugly when I said we used all the profits to give ourselves stock options. They don't understand that I wouldn't work as hard if all I got was my million dollar case salary. Id barely have the energy ti spans my secretary. The boss: Too much info