Become Consultants Comic Strips - Page 8

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186 Results for Become Consultants

View 71 - 80 results for become consultants comic strips. Discover the best "Become Consultants" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1994's comic on:


Tags #prepare reports, #outsourced jobs, #write report, #outsourcing, #illogical

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The Boss: "I want all of you to prepare reports explaining why your jobs shouldn't be outsourced to consultants." "It is my job to write this report. But if I were a consultant it would make no sense to compare me to myself. Outsourcing is illogical." "For some reason, I'm not taking as much pride in my work lately."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #speech, #have and have nots, #dumb ones, #cavemans, #unevolved

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Dogbert the futurist Dogebert: Society will become divided into technology "haves" and "have nots" Eventually the two groups will take different evolutionary paths. Then, as now, the "have nots" will be policy makers. Caveman: Oog mission statement

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dark side, #engineering, #technical knowledge, #generlaist, #easy path, #suite, #applications, #unnatural

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Phil stands behind Dilbert's desk and waves his hand and his spoon. Phil says, "Come to the dark side, Dilbert. Renounce engineering and become a manager." Dilbert says angrily, "NEVER!" Looking over Dilbert's shoulder, Phil says, "Your technical knowledge is getting stale. You're becoming a generalist . . . take the easy path." Phil is holding a set of software boxes. He says to Dilbert, "I brought you a suite of applications that ll work together." Dilbert yells, "THAT'S UNNATURAL!!! BE GONE!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #pursue goal, #world domination, #talk radio host, #unique conservative view, #deserve mockery, #flawed view, #intelligent questions

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Dogbert says to Dilbert who is sitting at his desk, "I think the best way to pursue my goal of world domination is to become a talk radio host." Dogbert continues, "I'll promote my unique conservative viewpoint that people are idiots who deserve to be mocked." Dilbert asks, "Won't people show your viewpoint to be flawed by virtue of their intelligent questions?" Dogbert asks, "Like that one?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #contract employee, #more income, #wind in hair

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Wally and Dilbert are walking. Wally says, "I should quit and become a contract employee. Then I'd have more income and I'd feel the wind in my hair." Dilbert says, "It's possible you'd have no income at all . . ." Dilbert puts his arms up in the air and says, "And if you want wind your hair you'll have to take off your shirt and run around with your arms up." Wally replies, "Thank you for your support."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1995's comic on:


Tags #mouse, #eating food, #takes outosde, #prince, #dumpster, #ordinary mouse, #turn into prince, #Dilbert

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Mouse: You're making a big mistake. Im no ordinary mouse, If you kissy me I'll turn into a prince!!! DiD I say "Prince"? I meant Id become the symbol for the performer formerly known as Prince. Ha ha ha!! Get it? Mouse: You're immune to both romance and mirth, you must be a..a.. Dilbert: Thats right, I'm and engineer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 1995's comic on:


Tags #accomplishment, #this week, #agent of change, #foster and reward, #culture, #team work, #slightly cynical

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Dilbert, Wally and the Boss sit at a conference table. Wally says, "My accomplishment this week is that I've become an agent of change." Wally continues, "I foster and reward those behaviors that contribute to a culture of teamwork." Dilbert says, "I've become slightly more cynical." Wally pats Dilbert on the shoulder and says, "Keep up the good work, buddy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #adult, #males, #immune, #verbal, #abuse, #petrified, #cat, #spittle, #bee, #burp, #chocolate, #cake

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Dogbert says, "The great thing about adult males is that they've become immune to verbal abuse. Adult females may have something to do with it." Dogbert stands behind Dilbert and says, "Hey, you grotesque pile of petrified cat spittle . . ." Dilbert replies, "Hi, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Is that your head, or has some kind of zucchini sprouted from your torso?" Dilbert asks, "Would you like to join me for some chocolate cake?" Dogbert says, "If brains were beans, you wouldn't have enough to make a bee burp." Dilbert replies, "Hey! We don't insult bees in this house!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #corporate, #takeover, #complete, #hostile, #bid, #meowco, #cat, #Food, #company, #efficient, #hassling, #ashamed, #hairball

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Dogbert sits at a table holding a document. He tells Dilbert, "Plans for the corporate takeover are complete." Dilbert asks, "What corporate takeover?" Dogbert replies, "It's a hostile bid for control of the Meowco Cat Food Company." Dogbert explains, "When I become CEO, I'll order them to add a hairball to every can of cat food." Dogbert chuckles. Dilbert says, "That is cruel and senseless. I'm thoroughly ashamed of you." Dilbert leaves the room. Dogbert sits on the hassock and thinks, "Gee . . . It seems so much more efficient than hassling one cat at a time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bankruptcy, #big data, #bytes of data, #cloud, #consulatants, #evil, #evil company, #greed, #money bag, #pray to money, #servers

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Boss: Consultants say three quintillion bytes of data are created every day. It comes from everywhere. It knows all. According to the book of Wikipedia, it's name is "Big Data." Big Data lives in the cloud. It knows what we do. In the past, our company did many evil things. But if we accept Big Data in our servers, we will be saved from bankruptcy. Let us pay. Alice: Is it too late to side with evil? Dilbert: Shhh! It hears you.