Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses.
Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea.
Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers?
Ted: The promotion helps.
dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise.
boss: when did you do it?
dilbert: this week.
boss: how long did we have the problem?
dilbert: five years.
boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself.
in another room
catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low?
boss: works like magic.