Cash Value Comic Strips - Page 8

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180 Results for Cash Value

View 71 - 80 results for cash value comic strips. Discover the best "Cash Value" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategy meetng, #value input, #administrative assistant, #global domination, #engineers, #gocce filters, #popcorn bags, #pantyhouse, #foot on pantyhose, #coffeee filter

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The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, come to my strategy meeting." The Boss continues, "You're only a secretary, but I value your input." Carol exclaims, "I'm an administrative assistant!!!" As they're walking to the meeting, Carol thinks, "Chimp." The Boss thinks, "Bad secretary." The Boss addresses the meeting, "Does anyone have any strategic ideas for global domination?" Carol responds, "The engineers keep using our coffee filters as popcorn bags. That has to stop." Alice stands and yells, "If you ordered enough filters, I would need to use the foot of my pantyhose to make coffee every day!" As they're walking out of the meeting, Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm adding that to the list of things I don't want to think about."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hard day, #meeting with ceo, #billion dollar comapny, #free stock, #cash fow, #revenue, #disaster events, #tragic evenets, #slpping, #fear induced meeting

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Dilbert: Im taking my business case too some venture capitalists. Im hoping that their wisdom and resources will make it a billion dollar company. Dilbert: Would you like some free stock? Dogbert: BAH! Dilbert: What would I do without the support of my loved one? CEO: What would the cash flow look like if.... ....Revenue was zero, microsoft and IBM entered the market , your factory burned down and a piano fell on your head? And what about civil unrest, lawsuits, natural disasters and locusts? Dilbert: ...Then the little one slapped me. Dogbert: Now RE_E_EL them in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #401k plan, #afterlife, #charisma, #evil director, #expected - value basis, #free software upagrdes, #high potential reward, #human resources, #math, #odds seem low, #reward you in aftrelife, #seventy versions, #education, #business

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Catbert, the Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert: "Your 401K Retirement Plan will be replaced with a 401A plan." "The 'A' stands for afterlife." "You'll get no money in this life, but the company will reward you in the afterlife." Dilbert: "The odds of that happening seem low." CatBert: "Yes, but on an expected-value basis, a high potential reward compensates for low odds." "For example, how many free software upgrades would I need to promise you in the afterlife to make you work yourself to death this year?" Dilbert: "Seventy versions." "I resisted his charisma. But he got me with his math."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #voluntary layoff package, #ted, #retirement money, #start a business, #kites out of waffles, #worlds largest, #edible kites, #value opinion, #option., #alice

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A coworker comes into Wally's cubicle. The coworker says, "Wally, may I ask you for advice?" Wally responds, "Huh?" The coworker says, "My name is Ted. I'm planning to take the voluntary layoff package." The coworker continues, "Then I plan to use my retirement money to start a business that makes kites out of waffles!" The coworker continues, "In five years I hope to be the world's largest maker of edible kites." The coworker asks, "So, what do you think? I value your opinion." Wally responds, "Ted, who told you that I'd be a good person to ask for an opinion on your idea?" Ted replies, "Alice said it reminded her of the quality of your... ideas." He pauses and then says, "Oh." Wally and Ted are standing hostilely in Alice's cubicle. Alice exclaims, "Alice shoots for the double!!! She scores!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #work ethic, #attend meetings, #add value, #big idea guy, #conceptualist

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Coworker: You attend all of my project meetings but you never add value. Wally: I'm more of a big idea guy-- a conceptualist, if you will. Coworker: Okay, what's your big idea? Wally: Okay, here's where my system breaks down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #vendor, #software patch, #installed, #add value, #tested, #business

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Boss: Ask the vendor if they have a software patch to fix our problem. Dilbert: I already asked for the patch, installed it, and thoroughly tested in in production. Boss: I think I'll go add value someplace else. Dilbert: That's a good place to do it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cowardice, #terrorists, #international terrorist, #cancel order, #big hit earnings, #decimate value, #stock options, #transfer, #poor safety record

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Dilbert: I discovered that the customer for our fleet sale of commercial drones is an international terrorist. Now we have to cancel the order, take a big hit to earnings, and decimate the value of your stock options in the company. CEO: Or... I could transfer you to a department that has a poor safety record and hope for the best.

Single Dilbert Is Valuable

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Single Dilbert Is Valuable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition, #dating, #low standards, #Men, #market value, #single guy, #low bar, #tall, #employed, #height, #relationships

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Dilbert: I'm starting to realize that my market value as a single guy is higher than I thought. Men such as you have set the bar so low that all I need to do is have a job and be taller than most women in heels. I thought they were turned on by my tube clothing, but they actually like me for me. Wally: You're welcome.

How To Make Money While Adding No Value

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How To Make Money While Adding No Value - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #success, #merit, #qualification, #luck money, #wages, #earning, #earn, #money, #salary

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CEO Mentors Wally. CEO: How would you like me to mentor you, underling? Wally: Can you teach me how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company? CEO: I don't know how to teach you that. Wally: Was it all luck or did you have to kill people?

Value Of A Start Up Idea

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Value Of A Start Up Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #money, #start-up, #business, #worth, #value

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Boss: I have a great idea for a start-up company. All I need is a seed investor and an engineer to do all the work. Alice: I believe the economic term for what you have is "nothing."