Ceo Slip Trance Comic Strips - Page 8
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607 Results for Ceo Slip Trance
View 71 - 80 results for ceo slip trance comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo Slip Trance" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 18,
2011
Tags #conversation, #discussion, #hijack conversations of subordinates, #imperious interuptus, #load and testing
Transcript
Dilbert: ... then we can do the load testing and... Boss: I'm invoking the right of imperious interruptus. In layman's terms, it is the right of all bosses to hijack the conversations of subordinates. I will now turn my back to you and speak with Alice as if you don't exist. Do not leave. Do not chime in, just awkwardly stand there. CEO: Imperious interruptus! Behold my power to make two underlings stand awkwardly while I hijack this conversation! Have you heard my speech about how we're not level conscious at this company?
Tuesday September 20,
2011
Tags #commerce, #joking, #market share, #increase market share, #good sense of humor
Transcript
CEO: Our strategy is to increase market share. Dilbert: I'm confused. I spent all last year trying to decrease our market share. Was that effort wasted? Don't worry. Wally told me he has a good sense of humor. Wally: I'm not reliable.
Saturday October 01,
2011
Tags #saving & investment, #stock market, #mba, #losing money, #money in gold, #shiny portfolio, #money
Transcript
CEO: I have an MBA and yet I keep losing money in the stock market. How can this be? Boss: I put all of my money in gold because it's shiny. My portfolio doubled last year. I'm thinking of getting an MBA. How long does it take? A week?
Tuesday October 11,
2011
Tags #angry rich guy, #buy small companies, #mergers & acquisitions, #obscenely profitable, #prosperity, #suck good will, #universally despised
Transcript
CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.
Monday October 17,
2011
Tags #writing, #writing materials, #five technology plan, #plan for ceo, #pie chart
Transcript
Boss: I need you to put together a five-year technology plan for our CEO. Dilbert: Sure. How about "tomorrow will be the same as today, and next year will be all flying cars and whatnot." Boss: Word it up and put a bow on it. Dilbert: I'll add a pie chart for the sizzle.
Saturday October 22,
2011
Tags #crimes, #criminals, #elbonian, #minister of commerce, #leave no eveidence, #connects crime, #bribe him, #kill him
Transcript
CEO: I need you to bribe an Elbonian minister of commerce and leave no evidence that connects the crime to our company. Dogbert: The only way to do that is to bribe him and kill him at the same time. CEO: I did not think this through. Dogbert: And obviously I'll need to do you first.
Tuesday October 25,
2011
Tags #big business, #meetings, #succession plan, #awesome and charismatic, #replace you, #bag of moss
Transcript
CEO: We need a succession plan. I'm so awesome and charismatic that the company would be in trouble if I were to leave. Alice: I wouldn't worry about it. It's not as if you invented anything. We could replace you with a bag of moss. Dilbert: He got quiet. Alice: See? Moss can totally do that.
Wednesday October 26,
2011
Tags #big business, #business ethics, #ceo needs underling, #drink industrial sludge, #risk of brain worms, #drink himself
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO needs an underling to drink our industrial sludge at a press conference to prove it's safe. Asok: Um... is there some reason he doesn't do it himself? Boss: Yes, but I forget the details. It was something about the risk of brain worms.
Thursday October 27,
2011
Tags #big business, #business ethics, #public speaking, #spit take, #industrial sludge, #intern will drink
Transcript
CEO: I will prove our industrial sludge is safe by forcing an intern to drink a glass of it. Voice: That's stupid. We want to see you drink it yourself. CEO: See if you can reach that guy in the second row with a spit take.
Tuesday November 01,
2011
Tags #employees, #executives, #non giant situation, #shoulders of giants, #non giant, #business
Transcript
CEO: As your CEO, if I have seen farther, it is only because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Plus whatever is going on over here. Dilbert: That's sort of a non-giant situation. Wally: And I haven't had shoulders since I was ten.