Complete Fraud Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

99 Results for Complete Fraud

View 71 - 80 results for complete fraud comic strips. Discover the best "Complete Fraud" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #computer, #waste of time, #tasks, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Do you have a minute?" Dilbert says, "Absolutely." Dilbert says, "I allocated one minute today for tasks that are a complete waste of time." Man says, "This isn't a complete waste of time." Dilbert says, "Bummer. I only allocated time for things that are."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #special project, #secret, #confidential, #idiot, #question, #placebo

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I need answers to these questions for a confidential project. I can't tell you more." Coworker says, "I'm a complete idiot and even I can deduce from your questions what the project must be." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, so some of you idiots are getting placebo questions." Coworker says, "Well played."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #questions, #choices, #ridiculous, #harsh, #mean

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "How did the industry standards meeting go? The boss says, "Did you convince 83 companies to adopt standards that benefit only us while dooming the entire industry in the long run?" The boss says, "Or are you a complete failure?" Dilbert says, "Can I hear those choices again?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #technology, #1993, #landline, #cell phone, #romance

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "Give me a call sometime." Dilbert says, "Maybe." Dilbert says, "I'll need to do a complete forensic analysis of your business card." Dilbert says, "Your home phone is a landline. That must come in handy when someone calls from 1993."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #fish, #microwave, #stink, #offcie, #impossible, #microwave things that smell bad, #job performance, #slippery slope, #socioathy, #liberating feeling, #felt bad, #extra fish, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "Where are you going with that fish?" Wally says, "I'm going to microwave it." Carol says, "That will stink up the office and make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy life." Carol says, "Isn't there something else you could eat?" Wally says, "I'm not going to eat it. I just like to microwave things that smell bad." Wally says, "After I stopped caring about my job performance, it was a slippery slope to complete sociopathy." Wally says, "It's a liberating feeling. I can't remember the last time I felt bad." Carol says, "Do you have an extra fish?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #problem, #scenario, #ridiculous, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our new data center is complete." Dilbert says, "The only wrinkle is that the power company won't give us the kilowatts we need." The boss says, "What are our options?" Dilbert says, "Well, we can run the servers without air conditioning." Dilbert says, "Until they melt into a toxic blob." Dilbert says, "Then we can turn the building into a museum that celebrates poor planning." Dilbert says, "Or we could all quit our jobs and eat bugs to survive." The boss says, "Let's go with the toxic blob, but we need to call it something else." Man says, "Convergence!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #benchmarks, #global warming, #normally, #pleasent week, #polluter, #problem, #solution, #too hot to work, #work indoors

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Wally, did you complete the benchmark tests?" wally: "No." slurp The Boss: "Because?" Wally: "Global warming." The Boss: "What?" Wally: "Well, normally this would have been a pleasant week." "But thanks to you and your stupid SUV, it was too hot to work." "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." The Boss: "You work indoors!" Wally: "Said the polluter."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2007's comic on:


Tags #high priority tasks, #launched, #abyss of total nothingness, #never talk about you

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Today I complete my high priority tasks and launched them into the miasma. "There they will rot from neglect while I draw closer to the abyss of eternal nothingness." Ratbert: "I have an idea. Let's never talk about you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #six months, #task, #simple task, #continuous cahnges, #unclear communication, #short work days, #being lazy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Why did it take six months to complete this simple task?" Dilbert: "Because of your continuous changes, your unclear communication, and your short work days." The boss: "I'm looking for something more along the lines of you being lazy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2007's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #projects, #complete projects, #calculated risk, #tasks, #lateness irrelevant, #worst week, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"And Wally, did you finish your project tasks for today?" Wally: "No. I took a calculated risk that other people would not finish their tasks either, making my lateness totally irrelevant." "Um..." "That is the worst..." "I need another week."