Contract Workers Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for contract workers comic strips. Discover the best "Contract Workers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obliviousness, #work ethic, #lawyer, #60 page contract, #amendements, #900 contracts, #tax law, #17 managers, #good leaders, #standards, #legal

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Boss: Our lawyer sent over a sixty-page contract renewal that I need you to review. Make sure you compare it to the original contract and all six or seven amendments. Dilbert: Are there six or... seven? Boss: No one really knows. Check out our other nine hundred contracts to make sure this one doesn't violate any of those. Keep in mind our five-year strategic plan and all likely changes to tax law. Then get buy-in from the seventeen managers who hate my guts and will take it out on you. By tomorrow. Good leaders set high standards.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crimes, #revenge, #difficult co workers, #jerks, #jar of polonium, #deal with difficulty, #office, #Politics, #registered, #dog, #stool, #animals

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Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to deal with difficult co-workers. Jerks will always be jerks. Your only hope is to kill them in ways that are untraceable. Boss: We need to talk. Dogbert: Each of you got a jar of polonium when you registered.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #costumes, #deception, #employees, #ordinary workers, #new employee, #best way, #kill boss, #kindness, #strangling w intestines, #business

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Boss: Hello, ordinary workers. I am a new employee just like you. Alice: We're discussing the best way to kill our boss. Boss; You could kill him with kindness. Alice: I'm leaning toward strangling him with his own intestines.

Dilbert's Tube Clothes Distract

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Dilbert's Tube Clothes Distract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clothing, #dress code, #fashion, #human resources, #obliviousness, #sex appeal, #sexiness, #co workers, #tube clothes, #modifications, #distarction, #corduroy tube, #libido killer, #business

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Catbert: Your co-workers are complaining that your tube clothes distract them from work. Dilbert: I can make some modifications so I'm less sexy. That should cut down on the distraction. Catbert: We might not be on the same page. Dilbert: I could wear a corduroy tube. That's a libido killer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contract, #legalese, #language, #comprehension

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Boss: Review this contract and tell me if it looks right. Dilbert: It's legal gibberish. I don't understand a word of it. Boss: So... you see no problems? Dilbert: Only a lawyer could understand it. Boss: But otherwise it's okay? Dilbert: My inability to identify a problem is not proof of no problems. Boss: Then how do you know when all of your problems have been fixed? I'll just sign it and see what happens.

Dogbert's Insult Consulting

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Dogbert's Insult Consulting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company rules, #insulting, #co workers, #teach how, #insult, #within guidelines, #standing desk, #meeting, #employer, #business

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Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

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 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teach, #insult, #compliment, #function, #guidelines, #co workers, #insult co workers

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DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

You Heard A Rumor

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 You Heard A Rumor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consultaion, #insult, #rumor, #divulge source, #dating pillow, #co - workers

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Dogbert consults Dogbert: Nevre insult your co workers directly. The company would fire you for that. Instead say you heard a rumor but you can't divulge your source. Asok: that feels wrong. Dogbert: Someone told me your dating your pillow.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deceit, #contract, #cost, #money

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Man: Here's my invoice for the extras. Dilbert: The invoice we already paid covered everything in the contract. Man: That only covered the costs I quoted with intentional clarity. There are other costs that I might have mentioned in the long and rambling explanation that was intentionally ambiguous. Dilbert: "Might have??" I'm sure you did not. Man: Sounds like your word against mine. Dilbert: And even if you did mention it, you just said it was intentionally ambiguous!!! Man: I don't think you want to tell your boss you're a bad listener. Boss: I thought we already paid this vendor. Dilbert: Did you forget all the extras I told you about?

Coworkers Getting Dumber

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Coworkers Getting Dumber - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #Dilbert, #imagination, #co-workers, #dumber, #know

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Dilbert: Is it my imagination or are my co-workers getting dumber every day? Catbert: They aren't getting dumber. You're just getting to know them better. It looks the same.