Convince Friends Comic Strips - Page 8
97 Results for Convince Friends
View 71 - 80 results for convince friends comic strips. Discover the best "Convince Friends" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 08, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Carol, I can't give you a raise this year because you didn't show enough initiative. Carol: I just formed a grass-roots movement to convince the government to raise taxes on people at your income level. Checkmate. Boss: That can't be legal.
Share February 01, 2008's comic on:
woman: do you have any hobbies?" Dilbert: I like to read obscure articles on the internet and image having friends who are interested in the same things. Woman: But you do have friends, right? Dilbert: Is it too late to change the subject?"
Share February 26, 2008's comic on:
Bob The esquire dinosaur Bob: I slapped your ex boss with his own suit until he agreed to rehire you. Bob: It only took ten minutes to make him agree, and another hour to make him convince ne that he liked it. Bob: How much do I owe you for all the fun? Wally: This one is pro bono.
Share September 02, 2009's comic on:
The Boss says, "How did the industry standards meeting go? The boss says, "Did you convince 83 companies to adopt standards that benefit only us while dooming the entire industry in the long run?" The boss says, "Or are you a complete failure?" Dilbert says, "Can I hear those choices again?"
Share October 12, 2008's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Would it be okay if I talked to a potential customer?" The Boss says, "No. You're not in sales. I need you to focus on your project." Dilbert says, "I already talked to them. Is it okay if I arrange a demo?" The Boss says, "No. Only the sales teams arrange demos." Dilbert says, "I already gave the demo." Dilbert says, "Is it okay if I convince them to buy $40 million of our product?" The Boss says, "No, because you won't succeed." Dilbert says, "Here's their letter of intent." The Boss says, "You shouldn't slap yourself now." Dilbert says, "Yes I... wait. Nice try."
Share June 14, 2009's comic on:
Job interview Dogbert says, "Do you have any sales experience?" Man says, "No, but I?" Dogbert says, "Okay, whatever." Dogbert says, "There's no base pay. You only get paid opn commission." Dogbert says, "And you'll need a special laptop for this job." Dogbert says, "you can buy it from our company with a 5% employee discount." Dogbert says, "You're hired." Man says, "Yes! And my friends told me I would never find a sales job in this weak economy!" Man says, "By the way, what does the company sell?" Dogbert says, "We sell laptops to idiots."
Share January 24, 2010's comic on:
The Boss says, ?Our CEO asked each manager to describe his group's function on one slide.? The Boss says, ?I don't see how I can fit all of our various functions on one powerpoint slide.? Dilbert says, ?You could say, 'we spend all of our time trying to convince others that we have value.'? The Boss says, ?That's not all we do.? Alice says, ?Sometimes we also argue about what we do.? The Boss says, ?That's just what we're doing right now. Tomorrow we'll be doing something totally useful.? Dilbert says, ?Maybe you could add a footnote to the slide that says, 'we dream of someday being productive.'? Dilbert says, ?Or you could exaggerate our accomplishments to create a misleading sense of our potential.? The Boss says, ?Yes!? The Boss says, ?What have we accomplished lately?? Wally says, ?We got paid for planning to lie to our CEO.?
Share January 31, 2010's comic on:
Coworker says, "Wally, will you do me a favor?" Wally says, "Absolutely. What are friends for?" Wally says, "After all, you'd do a favor for me if I asked, right?" Coworker says, "Um? sure." Wally says, "Of course you would." Wally says, "So do me a favor and don't ask me to do any favors." Coworker says, "Wow. Okay. I did not see that coming." Asok says, "You're like a wizard who uses the rules of social convention as if they are magic." Asok says, "You're Hairless Potter!" Wally says, "Don't tell Baldemort."
Share November 04, 2007's comic on:
Wally: "Where do you think you're going?" Asok: "I need to ask our VP of sales a question." Wally: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" "You can't speak directly with a vice president." "You need to talk to your boss, who talks to his boss, who talks to someone who is friends with the VP of sales, who then talks to him." Asok: "Wouldn't that virtually guarantee that the wrong question gets asked?" Wally: "It's better to have the right person ask the wrong question than the wrong person ask the right questions." Asok: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "Talk to my secretary."
Share November 05, 2006's comic on:
"Today I will teach you how to use your incompetence to achieve your goals." "Step 1: Be incompetent. (Also known as 'the easy part.')" "Step 2: Volunteer for the most difficult and important projects" "Step 3: Convince your boss that an enemy within the company is slowing you down." "Step 4: Insist that competent people be pulled off of other projects to help you." "Step 5: Declare yourself the leader of the competent people" "Step 6: Claim credit for the work of the competent people." "Step 7: After you get promoted, fire the competent people to eliminate witnesses."