Dead Racoon Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for dead racoon comic strips. Discover the best "Dead Racoon" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dead for week, #managed reincarnation, #own clone, #shapeshifting skills, #snicker bar, #cable guy, #waited at house, #equivalent

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Asok: "I was dead for a week, but I managed to reincarnate into my own clone and use my shapeshifting skills to look less like a snickers bar." Carol: "I once waited four hours for a cable tv guy to show up at my house." Asok: "Those stories are no equivalent." Carol: "It's subjective."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dead horse, #interview, #offcie, #meeting, #chair, #not answering, #few hours, #secretary, #cancel other meetinsg, #take time, #business

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The Boss: "You have good experience as a dead horse, but can you take a beating?" "So, you think you can ignore my questions, do you?" "Cancel all of my meetings, this could take a few more hours."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dead horse, #meeting room, #cahir, #beating, #good work, #havnet beaten long enough, #introduce

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The Boss: "I hired a dead horse, he doesn't look like much, but if you beat him long enough, he does good work." Dilbert: "Have you seen him do good work?" The Boss: "I haven't beaten him long enough." "Introduce yourself to the others!" Whap!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new marketing strategy, #past cutomers, #flu symptoms, #sick people, #appeal to sick people, #reinvent dead horse, #duh- mensuon, #floating scared darkness, #confusing cause & effect

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Jimmy will explain our new marketing strategy." Jimmy says, "A study of past customers shows that 96% of them have flu symptoms." Jimmy continues, "Apparently, sick people are the most likely to buy from us. We don't know why." Jimmy points to a slide of an ill man and says, "So we redesigned our ad campaign to appeal to sick people." Alice says to Jimmy, "You're confusing cause and effect. Your study shows that our products make people sick." Jimmy responds, "Alice, let's not reinvent a dead horse." Alice panics and says, "Suddenly nothing makes sense.. I must have slipped into the meeting duh-mension!" Alice leans back in a daze and says, "Floating.. Scared.. Darkness." The Boss says, "This usually lasts about 10 minutes."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cheeseburger, #dead man walking, #deception, #dried apricot, #heart, #inventions, #medical diagnosis, #program to hate, #neutrino sensor

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Wally: I programmed our robot to make medical diagnoses. It can scan your body using its neutrino sensor. Robot, please demonstrate. Robot: Dead man walking! Boss: What? Robot: Your brain is the size of a dried apricot. Your heart is more cheeseburger than human tissue. You will be dead in eleven days, six hours, and nineteen minutes. Boss: Gaaa!!! Robot: Why did you program me to hate people? Wally: It was easier than inventing a neutrino sensor.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #death & dying, #distress, #rearrange bits, #already dead

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Dilbert: All I did this week was rearrange bits on the Internet. I had no real impact on the physical world. I can't rule out the possibility that I'm already dead and I don't know it. Okay, still an open question.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad psoture, #body language, #comaplints, #communication style, #contact the dead, #criticism, #fear, #fengshui, #gut feeling, #job review, #psychic, #rationality, #threatening, #whiny babies

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Boss: Alice, people are uncomfortable with your communication style. Alice: Did someone complain? Boss: No, I'm picking it up in their body language. Alice: So.. people have bad posture and that means I don't say things right? Boss: Call it a gut feeling. Alice: Ohhhh. That sounds rational. Let's toss some feng shui into the equation and maybe get a psychic to contact the dead to see what they say bout me. Or maybe everyone could stop being whiny babies! Oh, wait. I see it now.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #drinking, #hiring, #personality tests, #sales, #sales personnel, #sociopaths, #storytelling skills, #morgue, #selfie, #dead guy, #super drunk, #hired, #sales person, #new hire, #business

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Boss: I can tell a lot from an applicant's storytelling skills. So tell me a story. Man: Last week, I broke into a morgue and took a selfie with a dead guy. But in my defense, I was super drunk. Boss: I hired a new salesperson.

Ted Retires And Dies Same Day

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Ted Retires And Dies Same Day - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #death, #managers, #retirement, #conincidence, #luck, #retired, #dropped dead, #overworked, #medical

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Catbert: Ted retired yesterday and dropped dead this morning. You worked him to death with perfect timing. Nicely done/ Unless it was just a coincidence. Boss: If I'm being honest, hitting the exact day was just luck.

Dogbert Disposes Bodies

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Dogbert Disposes Bodies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dolphin, #exotic pets, #hit man, #murder, #murder for hire, #russian military, #killed clown, #dead bodies, #disposal, #expert

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CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.