Developing Strategy Comic Strips - Page 8
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199 Results for Developing Strategy
View 71 - 80 results for developing strategy comic strips. Discover the best "Developing Strategy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 27,
2015
Tags #illusion, #strategy, #business, #executives, #bluff, #bluffing
Transcript
CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.
Friday July 21,
2017
Make It Hard To Uninstall
Tags #customer service, #business strategy, #sales, #deception, #business
Transcript
Boss: Don't focus so much on making the software do what our customers want it to do. Just make it hard for users to uninstall it. Dilbert: Why would they buy it in the first place? Boss: A big part of our strategy involves lying.
Tuesday November 20,
2018
Boss Email Password
Tags #business, #competition, #email, #obliviousness, #security, #strategy
Transcript
Boss: We need to find out who leaked our strategy to our competition. Alice: Is your email password still 123? Boss: Stop changing the subject.
Sunday June 02,
2019
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #strategy, #variables, #forecast
Transcript
dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!
Thursday June 25,
2020
Getting Opinions
Tags #office workers, #technology, #input, #dumb, #human, #universe, #Opinion, #strategy, #worse
Transcript
boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.
Friday January 21,
2011
Tags #prosperity, #competition (psychology)
Transcript
The Boss says, "We're not creative enough to create whole new markets, the way apple does." The Boss says, "And we're not powerful enough for a fast follower strategy." The Boss says, "What we need is a sexy, strategic-sounding name for crumb-snatching." Dilbert says, "Niche player?"
Tuesday September 20,
2011
Tags #commerce, #joking, #market share, #increase market share, #good sense of humor
Transcript
CEO: Our strategy is to increase market share. Dilbert: I'm confused. I spent all last year trying to decrease our market share. Was that effort wasted? Don't worry. Wally told me he has a good sense of humor. Wally: I'm not reliable.
Monday December 19,
2011
Tags #big business, #inventions, #google, #develop ideas, #60 hours, #per week, #math, #education
Transcript
Man: At Google, we're encouraged to spend 20% of our time developing our own ideas. Dilbert: How many hours per week do you work? Man: About sixty. Wally: It sounds better when you don't do the math.
Monday March 26,
2012
Tags #computer software, #competitor, #software, #entice people, #buy products, #freemium startegy, #engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: Our competitor just bought ten million copies of our software. Boss: Huh? Dilbert: They plan to give it away for free to entice people to buy their own product that has more features. We'll be part of their freemium strategy. Boss: That's just showing off.
Wednesday April 11,
2012
Tags #efficiency experts, #golf, #management consultant, #initate, #golf tournament, #profits, #Sports
Transcript
Boss: I hired a management consultant to teach us something he calls backwards causation. Dogbert: I studied the most successful companies. If you imitate them, you'll feel as if you have a strategy. Number one: sponsor a golf tournament so your CEO can meet celebrities. Boss: Profits, here we come.