Don't Believe News Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Don't Believe News

View 71 - 80 results for don't believe news comic strips. Discover the best "Don't Believe News" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #advertising, #company, #underestimate, #intelligence, #apology, #accepted

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "I'm going to open the 'Dogbert Advertising Company.'" Dogbert continues, "Apparently, people will believe just about anything that makes them feel good." Dilbert replies, "Hey, don't underestimate our intelligence." Dogbert says, "I could never underestimate you intelligence." Dilbert says, "Apology accepted."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #television, #cnn, #correspondent, #blitzer, #scene, #news, #hot, #weather, #bernie

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on the hassock watching television. A newscaster says, "At the top of the news: solar flares." The newscaster continues, "CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer is on the scene." Wolf Blitzer says, "It's another hot day on the sun, Bernie." Dogbert thinks, "Show-offs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #common sense, #school, #todd, #scissors, #russell, #dont, #run, #aaagh, #left handed, #teacher, #hand

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert hands a man a pair of scissors and says, "Todd, show the class how you hand these scissors to Russell." Dogbert yells, "Don't run! Don't run!" Russell screams. Todd looks down at Russell, who is lying on the floor, and says, "Sorry, Russell. It's the teacher's fault; he didn't even ask if I need left-handed scissors."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #tragic, #story, #update, #reported, #killed, #weather, #Sports, #injury, #news, #drove, #pedestrian

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair watching television and Dogbert sits on the hassock. The newscaster says, "After that tragic story we have an even more tragic update on a previously reported tragedy, then . . ." The news reporter continues, "We'll tell you about people who got killed by the weather. And in sports we profile the injury of the week." The newscaster continues, "And in local news, not much was happening, so we drove the news van around until we hit a pedestrian."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #news, #jobs, #billion, #owls, #asteroid, #coincidence, #researchers, #television, #device, #idiots

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Dogbert's good news show." Dogbert sits at a news desk and says, "Nine out of ten people have jobs . . . Three billion people had a nice day today . . . And the forest has plenty of owls." The caption says, "Regular news show." A news anchor says, "A huge asteroid could destroy earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries." The other reporter yells, "We'll all die!!" The caption says, "Back to Dogbert . . ." Dogbert holds a remote control and says, "In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off of your television screen."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #process engineering consultant, #totally objective, #dont care, #right attitude, #flowing robe, #cherubs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "You should hire me as your process reengineering consultant." "I would be totally objective about what jobs to eliminate. Frankly, I don't care about anybody at your company!" Dilbert: "You've got the right attitude." Dogbert: "I think I'll wear a flowing robe and surround myself with cherubs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad news, #break gradually, #budget worked on, #build up, #effort, #reorganizing dept., #worthless, #you're fired

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Susan, Im reorganizing the department again. The budget you worked on for months its now worthless. Susan: I think when you have bad news you should make an effort to break it gradually, maybe build yup to it. The Boss: Oh, that reminds me: You're fired.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diveristy, #sensitivity training, #seek better understanding, #dumpy white guy section

View Transcript

Transcript

"I can't believe we have to go to 'diversity sensitivity' training." "Wally, I don't see how it could be bad to seek a better understanding of others." "Uh-oh." "Take a seat in the 'dumpy white guy section'. I'm ready to start."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career criminlas, #jail, #sentences, #don't reduce crime, #commit crimes, #others commit crimes, #statistics

View Transcript

Transcript

"I oppose putting career criminals in jail for life. There's no evidence that longer sentences reduce crime." "So, your theory is that when career criminals are in jail, other people commit more crimes to keep the average up..." "Statistics don't lie, Dogbert." "Unless bad statistics went to jail - then the others WOULD like."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #summarized accomplishments, #ceo, #converts waste into penicillain, #calirovoyant, #invented wool, #sheep, #believe me

View Transcript

Transcript

"Have you summarized your accomplishments for our CEO?" "Almost done." "Okay - My body converts toxic waste into penicillin, I'm clairvoyant, and I invented wool." "I thought sheep invented wool." "Who are you gonna believe, them or me?"