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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #human resources, #enjoying job, #temporary, #emplotyee manual, #job satisfaction, #stealing company, #admisiion, #fearing sheiks pain, #business

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Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "According to my sources, you've been enjoying your job, Wally." Wally replies, "It was temporary. I don't know what got into me . . ." Catbert says, "Please refer to page one of the employee manual." Wally reads the manual, "Job satisfaction is the same as stealing from the company." Catbert says, "I'll have to charge you for admission unless I start hearing some shrieks of pain."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #problem, #quietly sit, #look mangerly, #idiotic, #leadership, #iron man, #team building, #bunch leadership

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The Boss sits at his desk thinking, "I don't know how to fix any of the problems in this company. Maybe I'll just sit here quietly." The Boss thinks, "No, that wouldn't look managerly . . . I'll have to do something idiotic and hope it looks like leadership." The Boss says to Dilbert, who is sitting at his desk, "We're going to have an 'Iron Man' team-building competition." Dilbert replies, "What a bunch of leadership . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert the consulatant, #computers, #highly exuberant, #general protection, #flying lessons

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Ratbert stands on Alice's desk and says, "I don't know much about computers so I compensate by being highly exuberant." Ratbert shouts, "Yes!! Yes!! Computers!! Wahoo!!!" Ratbert looks at the monitor and says, "Hey look! It's not my fault; it's some guy named 'general protection.'" Alice reaches for Ratbert and says, "It's time for your flying lessons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boredom, #conference room, #dead emplyee, #employee of the week, #headcount down

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The Boss carries a dead body over his shoulder. He tells Dilbert, "I found another dead employee in the conference room." Dilbert looks shocked. The Boss continues, "I don't know what got him - the boredom or the hard work. But headcount is down one and the company has life insurance on him!" The Boss thinks, "It looks like I found my 'Employee of the Week.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #clone boss, #email message, #no knowledge, #perspective, #possible, #no experience

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Dilbert tells Wally, "Someday it will be possible to clone or boss." Wally replies, "But the clone would have no experience and no knowledge." The Boss tells them, "I just sent an e-mail message to Japan. I don't know the language so I took your advice and typed it all in caps." Dilbert says, "Wow. That put it all in perspective."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #be specific, #bounus, #congratulations, #expect bonus, #good work, #act randomly

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The Boss says, "Alice, here's a bonus for your good work." Alice asks, "On what?" The Boss says, "I can't be specific, because then you might do it again and expect another bonus." Alice says, "Congratulations; you've motivated me to act randomly." The Boss points and says, "I'm going over here and I don't know why."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #broke herd, #dancer, #do your stuff, #flirting, #powerful, #woman, #chick magnet

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Dilbert, wearing a jogging suit, sits in the grass. He says to Dogbert, "If you're such a chick magnet, let's see you do your stuff." Dogbert says, "Okay. I'll wag. They love that." Dilbert says, "It's working! You broke one out of the herd. She'd coming this way." Dogbert says, "Be careful. I don't know how powerful this is." Dilbert grumbles. A cute girl sits next to Dogbert and says, "I'll bet you work out a lot. I'm a dancer." Dogbert says, "Uh-oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #box of electronics, #breadwinner, #jennifer, #dogbert manor, #major bread winner, #shut up

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Dogbert sits at a table with Dilbert. Dogbert wears his crown and holds a scepter. Dilbert has a screw driver and is tinkering with a device. Dogbert says, "Since I'm the major breadwinner here, I decided to name the house "Dogbert Manor." And I've decided to name you Jennifer because I like the name. Dilbert examines the device. Dilbert says, "I don't know why I bought this. It's just a box full of electronics that you can look at." Dogbert says, "Shut up Jennifer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss plane crash, #leave early, #mixed feelings, #plane crash, #want cake, #mourn, #celebrate

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Alice leans into the conference room where Wally and Dilbert are sitting at the table. Alice says, "I just heard that our pointy-haired boss's plane crashed." Wally says, "I must admit I have mixed feelings." Dilbert says, "You don't know if you should mourn or celebrate, right?" Wally says, "No, I mean celebrate or leave early." Asok the Intern walk in wearing a party hat and says, "Hurry if you want some cake."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #problems, #waiting it out, #standing motionless, #reorganization

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Bob says to Asok, "Most problems go away if you wait long enough, Asok." Asok sits next to his computer looking dejected. Bob says, "It might look like I'm standing motionless, but I'm actively waiting for our problems to go away." The Boss pokes his head in Asok's cubicle and says, "There's been a reorganization..." Bob says, "I don't know why this works, but it does." Asok smiles.