Earn Trust Comic Strips - Page 8

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118 Results for Earn Trust

View 71 - 80 results for earn trust comic strips. Discover the best "Earn Trust" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #balcberry, #contact, #do work, #all day, #prodcutivity

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Dilbert: "I need a Blackbery so I can be in e-mail contact at all times." "I'll be able to do work all day and all night. My productivity will soar!" The Boss: "Trust me, it doesn't look good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #core values, #integrity, #value, #honesty, #excellence, #inherent conflicts, #fund na dpassionate, #all of them, #hygiene

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The Boss: "Our core values are service, intergrity, respect, teamwork, responsibility, trust, diversity, value, honesty, fun, passion, fairness and excellence." wally: "How should we deal with the inherent conflicts? I mean, what if I want to be irresponsible in a fun and passionate way?" The Boss: "You have to do all of them." "I notice that hygiene didn't make the list.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #softening up, #employee satisfaction survey, #fire them, #purring

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Catbert: The employee satisfaction survey says they don't trust management. "Don't worry. I'll find out who feels that way and fire them during the next retrenchment." "Purr? Who said purr?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"When you worked here, you signed a non-compete agreement." "It clearly states that you are not allowed to earn money, sleep indoors, procreate or seek medical care." "Section 5B describes what you must now do with this ceremonial dagger."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"If you don't give us a urine sample to test, I have to fire you." "How about a hair sample to test instead?" "How do I know it's your hair?" "You can take the sample yourself." "Add this to the list of things you shouldn't trust human resources to do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consultant, #virtualization, #project, #employees, #heavy thinking, #obstacles, #progress, #business

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The Boss: I hired a consultant to help with our virtualization project because I don't trust employees with anything important. Dogbert: I will do the heavy thinking while each of you performs your usual duties as obstacles to progress. Dilbert: You said this is my project! Dogbert: I'll let him unplug something.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cooked books, #pension fund, #15% per year, #crooks, #optimists, #whistling noise, #soul escaping

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Dogbert says, "I cooked the books by assuming your pension fund will earn 15% per year." Pension Fund 15% Dogbert says, "Technically you aren't crooks, just optimists." Tweet! Mmph! Tweet! Dogbert says, "If you hear a whistling noise, that would be your soul escaping through your nose."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart the ceo, #420 times, #smarter, #system is flawed, #contradicting your boss

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I earn 420 times what you make. That means I'm 420 times smarter." A man says, "Actually, it means the system is deeply flawed." Dogbert says, "If you were 420 times smarter, you wouldn't be contradicting your boss right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #honest feedback, #strategy, #lie, #misperception, #hate people, #business

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The Boss says, "Alice, I called this meeting because you're the only person I trust to give me honest feedback on my strategy." Alice says, "It's great. It's amazing. It's the best strategy in the universe." The Boss says, "I thought you were honest." Alice says, "That's a common misperception. I just hate people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #moron, #yell, #grab tie, #upset

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Dilbert says, "?And I'll need all of that by tomorrow." Coworker says, "No problem. I'll get right on it." Dilbert says, "This is a bad sign. If you were even a little bit competent you would be overloaded with work." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!! I'm putting my trust in a moron!" Coworker says, "Wow. You got there fast."