Efficiency Experts Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

92 Results for Efficiency Experts

View 71 - 80 results for efficiency experts comic strips. Discover the best "Efficiency Experts" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, friendship, remember, memory, dressed as clown, funerals, told everyone, keep things light, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Experts say I can improve my likeability by showing that I remember things that people have told me. For example, there was the time you said you always go to funerals dressed as a clown to keep things light. Ted: I never said that! Dilbert: Are you sure? I told everyone you did.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hypocrisy, employees, trusted advisor, dumb plan, boss, employee, saying no, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Experts say I need employees who can say no to me. I'd like you to be my trusted adviser, Wally, because you can criticize every idea I have. Wally: No. That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard. Boss: What? Wally: You heard me. Boss: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now. Wally: You could thank me for saying no. Boss: Why does that sound right?!!!! Wally: You're welcome.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, great team, great results, inexperienced intern, useless guy, corpse, exoskeleton, conflicts with plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Experts say you need a great team to get great results. We're going to prove them wrong because our team is an inexperienced intern, a useless guy, a corps in an exoskeleton and me. Wally: That conflicts with my plan to prove the experts right.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anxiety, bad advice, projects, work load, freaking out, tackle, unpleasant tasks first, wrong order

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have too many projects. I'm freaking out. Boss: Experts say you should tackle the most unpleasant tasks first, so you have a feeling of accomplishment and control. Dilbert: Now I have too many projects and some extra anxiety that I'm doing them in the wrong order. Boss: Off you go.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leadership, praise, admiration, anger, compliments

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: What do you want now? Dilbert: Experts say leaders should surround themselves with people they admire and be generous with praise. Alice, I admire your hard work and intellect. Alice: Stop it! This is creepy! Dilbert: I admire your focus and your determination. Alice: Gaaa!!! Stop admiring me! My skin is crawling! Dilbert: I admire your honesty! Alice: Blech! Wally: Do you feel more like a leader now? Dilbert: Yes, in the sense that people hate me.

Agreeing Like Disagreeing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Agreeing Like Disagreeing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, respect, disrespect, Opinion, arguing, argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Experts say I should show respect for your opinion before voicing disagreement. So I respect your decision to release our product without user interface testing. Boss: Your respect sounds exactly like disrespect. Dilbert: How is that my fault?

Agree With Idiots To Gain Trust

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Agree With Idiots To Gain Trust - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags condescention, condescending, agreement, mocking, insult, insulting

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Stop agreeing with me in ways that sound like you don't mean it. Dilbert: Experts say one should first agree with idiots to gain trust before trying to change their minds. Boss: You need to stop doing that. Dilbert: You are so right about that.

Employees Keep Agreeing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Employees Keep Agreeing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags furniture, office, arrangement, laziness, loophole, efficiency, management, work ethic, excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?

Robot Learns To Procreate

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Learns To Procreate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, mind control, thinking, life, creation, conscience, sentience, manipulation

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: I figured out how to procreate. Boss: I don't like the sound of this. Robot: I infected you with an idea virus that tells you to build more robots. Boss: Won't work. CEO: Does anyone have an idea for increasing efficiency in our manufacturing process?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, coding, code, control, efficiency, purpose, job, red tape, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac: Step away from that open source code! Dilbert: Why? Mordac: Because I am Mordac, The Preventer of All Efficient Solutions in the Information Technology Realm. Dilbert: That isn't an actual job. Mordac: I was hoping it was. I lost the file with my job description. That was five years ago. I've been winging it since then. My parents taught me that I could be anything I wanted to be. And I wanted to be this. So don't use that code! Dilbert: Not even when you turn around?