Empire Consultant Comic Strips - Page 8

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151 Results for Empire Consultant

View 71 - 80 results for empire consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Empire Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #computers & peripherals, #software, #install and test, #database software, #engineering

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Dogbert consults Dogbert: I recommend that you buy the Dogbert database software. Boss: Did I just pay a consultant to recommend his own company's software? Dogbert: I'm totally objective. Boss: Who would install and test it? Dogbert: Maybe a consultant who knows the product?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #big business, #budget, #contract employees, #training budget, #training, #contractor budget

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Boss: Out budget for contact employees was eliminated. We'll have to pay you out of the training budget. So instead of doing the job yourself... you'll have to train Dilbert to do the job we're paying you to do. Dilbert: Why don't you just move some of the training budget to the contractor budget? Boss: If we reduce the training budget this year, we'll get less next year. Dilbert: So... you prefer paying two people to do the job of one? Boss: Right. Consultant: How do you stay in business? Boss: Our customers are even dumber than us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #Astrology, #furniture, #magic, #feng shui, #black magic, #voodoo, #psychic, #overbooked, #office design, #occult

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Dilbert: The feng shui consultant you asked for is overbooked. But I found a guy who is heavily into astrology, black magic, and voodoo. Boss: Are you trying to tell me something? Dilbert: Ask him. He's also a psychic.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #consultant, #plunging, #problem, #easy, #solve, #training, #budget, #brains

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Dogbert stands in front of an easel and points to a diagram. The Boss and a woman sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "Your profits are plunging." Dogbert continues, "The problem will not be easy to solve." The diagram shows a large brain labeled "competitors," a smaller brain labeled "beavers," and a tiny brain labeled "you." The Boss asks, "So, what should we do? Cut the training budget again?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #can-o-matic, #restroom, #stall, #randomly, #fires, #pink, #slip, #backs, #expressions, #security, #cameras

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Dogbert points to a picture of a bathroom and tells the Boss, "As your consultant, I recommend the 'Can-O-Matic' to reduce staff levels." Dogbert points to a picture of a person falling out a building window and explains, "Disguised as a restroom stall, the Can-O-Matic randomly fires people by slapping a pink slip on their backs and catapulting them out of the building." The Boss says, "But I won't get to see the expressions on their faces." Dogbert replies, "Well, we could fling them past the security cameras here . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #creativity, #consultant, #exercise, #research, #support, #method, #company

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Dogbert stands on a desk and says to a man, "This exercise is especially for the MBAs in the company." The man asks, "What's the payback?" Dogbert hits the man on the head with a bat several times. Dogbert says, "There's no research to support this method, but you gotta admit it feels right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #creativity, #consultant, #intuition, #mumbo jumbo, #quantitative data, #decisions, #assumptions, #calculate, #net, #discount, #rate, #meaninggless

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A man stands in front of Dogbert's desk and says, "We don't need any of your 'intuition' mumbo jumbo. We need quantitative data!" The man continues, "The only way to make decisions is to pull numbers out of the air, call them 'assumptions,' and calculate the net present value." The man continues, "Of course, you have to use the right discount rate, otherwise it's meaningless." Dogbert says, "Go away."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #the boss, #business consulting, #pyschic

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk wearing a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert says, "I am Dogbert the Psychic Business Consultant. I can read minds." The Boss asks, "If you can read minds, what's my favorite color?" Dogbert replies, "Your favorite color is puce, but you are mistakenly thinking of a primary color because you don't know what puce is." The Boss says, "Whoa . . . I just got a shiver."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Wally, #consultant

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Dogbert says to Wally, "The company's woes are YOUR fault, not senior management's!" Dogbert asks, "Do you realize how much YOU could gain personally by making the company a success?" Wally replies, "I would get a nice plaque in a plastic frame." Dogbert says, "Yeah . . . I was hoping you didn't know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #Wally, #computer, #office

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Dogbert sits at a desk in front a window thinking, "I've shouted my way into a job and a corner office. Now I need an empire." Dogbert says as he types, "I'll start a task force around some hot buzzwords. Later I'll convert the people into my own division." Dilbert says to Wally, "Hey, there's a 'Palmtop Personal Multimedia' task force being formed!" Wally replies, "That one's gonna fill up quick."