Everything He Knows Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for everything he knows comic strips. Discover the best "Everything He Knows" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #batteries, #death, #Dogbert, #dreams, #god, #himself, #new, #sense of humor, #Dilbert

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Dilbert enters wearing a bathrobe and shines a flashlight on the chair where Dogbert is sleeping. Dogbert says in his sleep, "I'm coming toward the light . . ." Dogbert continues, "The light . . . It's so pure . . . So perfect . . . It could only be the light of GOD HIMSELF!!" Dilbert says, "No. Just new batteries." Dogbert says, "God has a sense of humor? Of course! It explains everything."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #doctor, #health, #nothing, #naked, #people, #thing, #cold, #office

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "Here at the 'Jiffy Med Center' we do everything to keep your health costs down." The man continues, "In fact, none of us has any medical training so they pay us almost nothing." Dilbert asks, "Why do you do it?" The man grasps the stethoscope and replies, "I like putting this cold thing on naked people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #sew, #Dilbert, #sewed, #sofa, #armchair, #mom, #mother

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Dilbert sits on the couch holding a thread and needle. Dogbert says, "I didn't know you could sew." Dilbert says, "I watched my mother do it when I was a kid. She taught me everything." Dilbert's arm and legs are stiched to the couch. Dilbert says, "We often found Mom sewed to the sofa."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #Food, #fight, #throwing, #potatoes, #ear, #corn, #chowder, #kitchen, #ding-dong, #witch, #dead

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Dilbert arrives at home with food stuck to his suit. Dogbert asks, "How was your lunch with the executive vice president?" Dilbert sits in his chair and says, "Everything was fine until the food fight. He started throwing au gratin potatoes . . . I countered with an ear of corn to his head and ran for the exit." Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "When I left, he was face-down in the clam chowder and the kitchen staff was singing 'ding-dong the witch is dead.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #chef, #Dogbert, #park bench, #two, #years, #brother, #jail, #dishonest, #judge, #cook, #Family, #sarcasm

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Dogbert sits on a park bench next to a chef. The chef says, "I haven't been able to get a job in two years." The chef continues, "It's because everybody knows my brother is in jail. People think I must be dishonest too." The chef concludes, "You should not judge a cook by its brother." Dogbert replies, "He probably says the same about you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #step, #outside, #smallish, #side, #kick, #fight, #butt, #wants, #piece, #accidentally, #soak

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Dilbert and some co-workers sit at a conference table. A tiny man says to Dilbert, "I disagree with everything you said. Who wants to step outside and fight about it?!!!" The little man says, "I may be on the smallish side but I can kick any butt in this room!!" The short man continues, "C'mon, who wants a piece of me??!" A woman next to Dilbert whispers, "It's my fault. I accidentally used him to soak up a coffee spill this morning."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #senate, #judiciary, #committee, #questioning, #interpret, #roe versus wade, #lying, #deny, #accusing

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A senator at a table says into a microphone, "Mister Dogbert, the Senate Judiciary Committee will begin the questioning." The senator asks, "How would you interpret Roe versus Wade?" Dogbert replies, "They're lying. I deny everything." The senator says, "We're not accusing you . . ." Dogbert says, "Hey, I didn't bring it up!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #name, #deserve, #wrong, #world, #created, #ruebert, #robot, #spell

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Dogbert and a robot sit at the table. Dogbert says, "We need a name for you." The robot replies, "I don't deserve a name." The robot continues, "Everything that's wrong with the world is my fault. I rue the day I was created." Dogbert says, "I name you 'Ruebert.'" The robot replies, "Aaagh! People will spell it wrong and it's my fault!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #snow, #mountain, #jet, #captain, #bob, #fly, #luck, #survive, #eat, #cannibal, #last

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Dilbert, Dogbert and several other passengers stand in waist-deep snow. Dilbert says, "We're alive . . . We must have been thrown clear when the jet hit the mountain." The airplane captain says to Dilbert, "I'm Captain Bob. Sorry about the crash. What are the odds I'd hit this same mountain on every flight?" As Bob walks away Dilbert says, "We're in luck. Captain Bob knows how to survive these situations." Bob thinks, "Nice folks. I'll eat them last."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #ridiculous, #Dilbert, #supercomputer, #create, #model, #predict, #life, #brain, #chemistry, #patterns, #cause and effect, #free will, #mad, #implies

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Dilbert sits at a desk and works on his supercomputer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm using my new supercomputer to create a model that can predict your entire life." Dilbert continues, "You see, everything, including your brain chemistry, is subject to predictable patterns of cause and effect . . ." Dogbert replies, "That's ridiculous. It implies that we have no free will." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "Next, you start getting really mad at me."