Evolution Training Comic Strips - Page 8

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163 Results for Evolution Training

View 71 - 80 results for evolution training comic strips. Discover the best "Evolution Training" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product training, #pride in product line, #users experience, #painful boils, #relatively satisfied customers, #techniques

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Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #product awareness class, #hands on training, #next version

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The Boss: I signed you up for a product awareness class. Dilbert: GAAA!!! The Boss: They'll give you hands on training Man: we're hoping to fix this problem in the next version.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work place violence, #prevention training, #violent emplyees, #identify, #beards, #creepy, #ineffective males, #widely disprected

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Tina says to the group, "Welcome to workplace violence prevention training." Tina continues, "How can we identify potentially violent employees?" Wally raises his hand excitedly yelling, "Ooh! Ooh!" Tina says, "Wally?" Wally answers, "Do they have beards?" Tina replies, "Um...no. That was a stupid answer." Tina says, "Violent employees are usually creepy, inefficiently males who are widely disrespected." Dilbert raises his hand and asks Tina, "May I change seats?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor control, #paid per rumor, #terrorit training campo, #exotic dancer, #weekends

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Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Rumor Control Service." Dogbert says, "People are saying Ted is an exotic male dancer on weekends. I know it isn't true because he spends all of his free time in a terrorist training camp." Alice says, "Isn't that worse?" Dogbert says, "I get paid per rumor. It's not a perfect system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #adventurer, #alternate universe, #billionaire, #evolution, #kills the strong, #south pole, #universe

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Anti-Dilbert says, "In my alternate universe, the one we call Wally is a billionaire entrepreneur and adventurer." Anti-Dilbert says, "No one has seen him since he tried to swim to the south pole." Anti-Dilbert says, "In my universe, evolution kills the strong." Wally says, "Sounds like he had it coming."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time management, #evolution, #good management, #tasks, #genes, #dead end

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Dogbert says, "Welcome to Dogbert's seminar on time management and evolution." Dogbert says, "The key to good time management is skipping un-important tasks." Dogbert says, "In module two, I will show you that everything you do is unimportant because your genes are a dead end."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cultural sensitivity, #elbonians, #negotiating, #soul, #training, #yawn

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CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING Man says, ?Elbonians believe that if you yawn in their direction, you steal their soul.? Alice says, ?In other words, we can use it as a negotiating tool.? Man says, ?No, that's not...? LATER Alice says, ?Okay, my intern has your soul. Give us a 20% discount or he swallows.?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training, #new software, #trick, #hire, #job opening, #interview, #technical expert, #provide

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Dilbert says, "I need training to use our new software." The Boss says, "Pretend we have a job opening for a technical expert in that field. Then ask applicants how they would do whatever it is that you need to do." Man says, "Does you company provide training?" Dilbert says, "'Provide' is a strong word."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication skills, #training, #class, #stand on stool, #idiots, #pairs, #coworker

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Communication Skills Training Dogbert says, "Today you will learn how to listen to idiots without snoring." Dogbert says, "Break into groups of two, with one idiot and one non-idiot in each pair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #monkey, #training, #successor, #groom, #worry, #bug, #eat, #fur, #animals

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Dilbert says, "We have a problem. Our CEO is grooming a winged monkey as his successor." Alice says, "When you say, 'grooming,' I hope you meant training." Monkey says, "I felt something move right here." CEO says, "Ho ho! Last one. I'm stuffed."