Execution Instead Comic Strips - Page 8

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131 Results for Execution Instead

View 71 - 80 results for execution instead comic strips. Discover the best "Execution Instead" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #average person, #offer low prices, #prices, #products on sale, #raising prices, #smart enough

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CEO: We're going to stop pretending our products are always on sale and instead offer low prices all the time. The average person is smart enough to know that our so-called sales prices are our normal prices anyway. Dilbert: Have you ever talked to an average person? Boss: Tell me again why we're raising all of our prices?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #prosperity, #intuition, #market research, #success rate, #binary choices, #tiny manager, #made of copper, #business

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Boss: From now on, I'm going to rely on my intuition instead of market research. Dilbert: If guessing can bring your success rate up to 50% for binary choices, I'm all for it. Hey, look! I found a tiny manager made of copper in my pocket!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #executives, #new strategy, #nimble, #meeting, #business plan, #business

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CEO: Our new strategy is to be nimble. Dilbert: Is that the same as saying our strategy is to have no strategy? CEO: Just do your job. Dilbert: Can I be nimble instead?

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Share January 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #employment studies, #good boss, #getting riase, #less dysfunctional, #creepy dude, #business

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Catbert: Studies say employees prefer having a good boss over getting a raise. So instead of giving raises, pretend to be less dysfunctional. It's cheaper. Bwahahahaha!!! Boss: You're a creepy little dude.

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Share April 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #work ethic, #mission, #vision, #core values, #no clear direction, #inappropriate websites

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Wally: Our mission, vision, strategy, road map, and core values are not aligned. So instead of flailing around with no clear direction, I plan to spend my days looking at inappropriate websites. Yesterday, when you said, "Bring me solutions, not problems," I hope you meant it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #incompetent, #dogbert investment bank, #shareholder, #bribe, #merger, #unwise, #commission, #best seller, #read, #jail

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Dogbert says, "You're an incompetent CEO, but the Dogbert Investment Bank can help you pretend to unlock shareholder value." Dogbert says, "I'll arrange an unwise merger so you can cash out while I collect an obscene commission." Dogbert says, "It's like a bribe, but instead of going to jail, a stranger will write a bestselling book with your name on it." CEO says, "Can I read it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #project plan, #failure, #slide, #complicated, #trade show, #vortex of failure

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Dilbert says, "Our project plan is so complicated that failure is assured." Dilbert says, "But complexity is too abstract for you to manage, so instead you will spray me energy into the vortex of failure." Dilbert says, "Go." The Boss says, "I need you to finish it six weeks sooner for a trade show."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2007's comic on:


Tags #run by attorney, #hi with hammer, #attention, #painful process, #final result, #hammer is quicker

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The Boss: "Run this by our attorney." Dilbert: "May I vigorously hit myself with a hammer instead?" The Boss: "You have my attention." Dilbert: "Either way, it's a painful process that won't change the final result." "But the hammer is quicker and it will still make you feel as if you made me do something." The Boss: "Okay. Try the hammer thing." BAM! "Ouch!" BAM! "Ouch!" BAM! "Ouch!" "Now run it by our attorney so it feels as if I did two things."

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Share November 17, 2007's comic on:


Tags #mordac, #information services, #biometric scanner, #scream, #password

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Mordac: "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services, and I bring you my newest biometric scanner." "Instead of a password, I put this on your head and squeeze until you scream in a way that only you can scream." "No, that's not you." Dilbert: "GAAA! GAAA! GAAA!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #not enough recources, #project, #look lame, #fixed capacity, #dedicated higher priorities, #donated blood, #hurricane victims

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The boss: "Never tell anyone we don't have enough resources to do a project. It makes us look lame." "Instead, say we have a fixed capacity that is already dedicated to higher priorities. That makes whoever asked us for help look lame." Wally: "Can I keep telling people I donated all of my blood to hurricane victims?"