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Ted is at his baby shower with Dilbert, Alice and Wally. He has just opened a present and says, "Oh look, it's a stapler . . ." Ted continues, "I can use this to take up the hem on the lovely handcrafted paper bag dress that Dilbert made." Looking at the stapler, Ted comments, "It looks just like the one that disappeared from my cubicle this morning." Wally says, "Except yours had staples."
Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert waving his arms. Dilbert says, "The dehumanization of my job has rendered me invisible to humans. Only you can see me, Dogbert." Dilbert asks, "How can we fix this?" Dogbert replies, "You could wear a bag on your head when you're around me." Dilbert clenches his fists and answers, "That's not the fix I had in mind." Dogbert responds, "It's not a perfect solution. I'd still be able to hear you."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our goal is to write bug-free software. I'll pay a ten-dollar bonus for every bug you find and fix." Dilbert, Wally and Alice throw their arms up in excitement. Dilbert yells, "Yahoo!" Alice yells, "We're rich!" Wally yells, "Yes!!! Yes!!! Yes!!!" The Boss says, "I hope this drives the right behavior." Wally says, "I'm gonna write me a new minivan this afternoon!"
Dilbert stands outside his lab. He tells Dogbert, "Well, Dogbert, I believe I have solved the world's garbage problem." Dogbert says, "I didn't know garbage had any problems." Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the stairs to the lab. Dilbert says, "I've invented the most efficient trash compactor ever." Dilbert kneels in front of a device and says, "This baby can squash two tons of garbage into a little brick!" Dogbert says, "No doubt you've considered the valuable uses for the brick itself." Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . Right . . . For home construction?" Dogbert says, "Or just as an immovable object that smells like Sylvester Stallone's socks."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper. Dogbert says, "I'm bored. I'm going to scare strangers." Dilbert replies, "Enjoy." Dogbert walks out of the house thinking, "Luckily, lots of people are afraid of dogs." Dogbert stands on the sidewalk and says to a passer by, "Hey mister, I've got rabies!!" The man replies, "I'm only afraid of global warming." Dogbert stands in front of a woman and shouts, "Pit bull! Pit bull!" The woman says, "Save it . . . I'm only afraid of acid rain." Dogbert shouts at a man, "Mad dog! Mad dog!" The man says, "Sorry, I only fear the national debt." Dogbert shouts at a boy carrying a skateboard, "Wild carnivore!" The boy replies, "Chill out, dog dude. I'm only scared of the hole in the ozone layer." Another man says, ". . . Garbage crisis." Dogbert says, "People scare me."
The caption says, "Dogbert meets with software developers." Dogbert sits at a table with a laptop that is hooked up to an overhead projector. Dogbert says, "Note the huge market for software that runs on the 'Dogbert 2000' operating system." Dogbert reaches into a bag and says, "But who cares? The important thing is that I brought a bag of toys." As the software developers play with the toys, Dogbert thinks, "Some say the computer industry is built on silicon. I think foam and plastic are equally important."
Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Wally says, "I'm pleased to report another banner week of accomplishments!" Wally continues, "I streamlined my business processes while honing my participatory style and my proactive attitude, all while valuing diversity!" The Boss asks, "You watched the mandatory training videos?" Wally adds, "And I lost my free will!"
Dilbert walks by with a briefcase as the garbage man is emptying a trashcan. The garbage man says to him, "Dilbert, I notice you've been looking depressed lately." The garbage man writes on a pad and says, "Here's a prescription for an antidepressant drug. Be sure to exercise regularly and don't skip meals." Dilbert says angrily, "What makes you think you're qualified to diagnose my mental health?!!" The garbage man reaches for the prescription and says, "I'd better double it."
Dilbert walks by a workman standing on a chair and nailing a sign to the wall. The sign says, "10 Injury Free Days." Dilbert hears, "Bam! Aaaeeii!! R-r-roll thud." Dilbert stands over the workman who has fallen off the chair. Dilbert says, "This is very ironic." The workman says, "No, it was ironic when it happened eleven days ago."
The Boss and Dogbert sit at a table. Dogbert shows the Boss a document and says, "Here's my final plan for the company's day care facility." Dogbert continues, "I call it free range day care. The children are allowed to roam free among the cubicles. It's very economical." Two small children stand in Wally's cubicle. The boy says, "I don't believe he's really an evil troll." The girl says, "Look at the 'Powerpoint' slides he's making. It's not human."