Grandiose Sense Comic Strips - Page 8

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158 Results for Grandiose Sense

View 71 - 80 results for grandiose sense comic strips. Discover the best "Grandiose Sense" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 1998's comic on:


Tags #deputy of common sense, #four hour meeting, #behind schedule, #agenda, #morale is low

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During a staff meeting, Dogbert stands on the table holding his gun and says, "FREEZE!!" Dogbert is dressed as a policeman and says, "You scheduled a four-hour meeting to find out why people are behind schedule!" The guy says, "No, look at the agenda! The fourth hour is about why morale is so low. A woman next to him whispers to Dogbert, Shoot him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1998's comic on:


Tags #deputy of common sense, #motivate emplyees, #insulting gifts, #symbolism, #chess pieces, #same team, #pawns, #saving rooks

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Dogbert is dressed as a policeman and stands on The Boss's desk and says, "You are accused of trying to motivate employees with insulting gifts." The Boss says, "You're missing the symbolism. I gave them chess pieces to show them we're all on the same team." Dogbert hass a hand on his gun and syas, "Specifically, you gave them pawns." The Boss says, "I'm saving the rooks for bonus day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1998's comic on:


Tags #declare martial law, #jailing ombudsmen, #personal phone calls, #recommend changes, #shoot emplyees, #shoot employees

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Dogbert and The Boss sitting at table. Dogbert passes a memo to The Boss and says, "Although your company is very profitable, I wouldn't be much of a consultant if I didn't recommend changes." The Boss views the recommendations and says, "You recommend jailing our ombudsman and declaring martial law ... makes sense." The Boss asks Dogbert, "Then could I shoot employees who make personal phone calls?" Dogbert replies, "It's okay with me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #insensitive, #Dogbert, #dog bashing, #born this way, #no campassion, #feel bad, #who cares?, #insensitive about insensitivity

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"That joke was not funny. You're insensitive, Dogbert." "Well, here we go with the 'insensitive dog bashing'." "Is it my fault I was born without the ability to sense the feelings of others?" "Oh, sure, I wish I could be like you." "Somehow you know exactly what it feels like to a different gender, race, lifestyle or body." "But I'm insensitive. All I know is how I feel!! And I'm proud of it!" "But you'd understand that, if you weren't insensitive about insensitivity!!" "When you put it like that, I feel kinda bad." "Who cares?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 1998's comic on:


Tags #humor, #joe telling kind, #spill something, #laugh

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Dilbert and woman sitting at dinner table. Woman says, "I like men who have a sense of humor." The woman continues, "...but not the joke-telling kind - the spontaneous kind - like when you spill something and we both laugh." Dilbert's shirt is torn and stained. He says to Dogbert, who's sitting on the couch, "Maybe I'm trying too hard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 1998's comic on:


Tags #web pages, #urls, #replace urls, #uniform resource locators

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Dilbert sitting at computer terminal while The Boss gripes, "I don't see why our web pages need URLs. Get rid of them." The Boss, in a unsure manner, says, "Did that make any sense?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, it's brilliant." Dilbert says, "Give me a month and I'll replace our URLs with uniform resource locators." The Boss clinches his fist and says, "Perfect."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1998's comic on:


Tags #maintain urgency, #speed is key, #faster than competition, #sign stuff, #logical questions, #motivational messages

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The boss says, "WE must maintain a sense of urgency. Speed is the key. We must be faster than the competition." Dilbert says, "Does that mean you'll sign the stuff that's been on your desk for a month?" Dilbert is at home. Dilbert says, to Dogbert, "Logical questions don't mix with motivational messages."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1995's comic on:


Tags #open door policy, #new vp, #drop in, #last vp was aloof, #sourballs, #furniture, #cubicles are hot, #huge insincere spider

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally stands behind him and says, "Our new VP says he has an 'open door policy.' Let's check it out." Wally and Dilbert peer into the VP's office. Dilbert says, "Knock knock." Dilbert says, "Hi ho. Nothing important. We just wanted to drop in." The VP sits at his desk reading a document. Wally says, "This open door policy is great. Our last VP was aloof." Dilbert asks, "Are those sourballs?" Wally says, "Look at the furniture in here!" Dilbert stuffs candy into his mouth and says, "I call couch!" The VP asks, "Is there something I can do for you?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Well . . . Sometimes our cubicles are too hot." Wally sits in a chair and adds, "Could you have somebody look into it?" Dilbert and Wally leave the office looking frightened. Dilbert says, "Boy, those sourballs sure lull you into a false sense of security." Wally says, "The man is like a huge insincere spider."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bad advice show, #married, #divorce, #radio show, #Dogbert, #explain, #dead woodchuck, #household tips, #black paint, #stain remover, #all cheese diet

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Dogbert is hosting a radio talkshow. He sits at the microphone. He says, "You're on the radio with Dogbert's "Bad Advice Show." How may I hurt you?" Women on the phone asks, "My boss asked me for a date. We're both married. What should I do?" Dogbert says, "Divorce your husband. He sounds like a loser to me." Women says, "Yes, yes it all makes sense when you explain it that way." Dogbert says, "Then mail a dead woodchuck to your boss with a note that says...." Dogbert is heard over the phone. Dogbert says, "Unlike this woodchuck my love for you will never die." Women says, "Thanks. I love your show." Dogbert says, "Moving on to household tips, did you know that black paint is an excellent stain remover?" Dilbert walks in with a huge black stain on his shirt. Dilbert says, "Can we talk?" Dogbert says, "And those are just SOME of the benefits of an all-cheese diet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1999's comic on:


Tags #meeting moth, #joining, #cedar flavored donut

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The meeting peers from behind a cubicle at the boss who is talking to Asok. The moth thinks, "My moth sense has detected a meeting." The moth says, "Hi, guys! What are you talking about? Is this a meeting? I can't resist joining in." Asok holds out a donut. Asok says, "Run for it! I'll hold him off with this cedar-flavored donut!!!"