Half Amount Comic Strips - Page 8

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134 Results for Half Amount

View 71 - 80 results for half amount comic strips. Discover the best "Half Amount" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2003's comic on:


Tags #ceo placements, #magic 8 ball, #performed better, #dogbert the headhunter

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Headline: Dogbert the Headhunter. Dogbert says to a client, "Let me tell you how good my CEO placements have been." Dogbert continues, "An astonishing fifty percent of them have performed better than the other half!" Dogbert continues, "If you're on a budget, I recommend one of our stuffed CEO units with a 'Magic 8 Ball' head."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2003's comic on:


Tags #million lines of code, #irrelevent data, #key your car, #no choice

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The Boss: "Our new product has half a million lines of code!" "Translation: there's nothing good about this product, so you hope I'm impressed by irrelevant data." "Now available in ecru!" "You leave me no choice but to key your car on the way out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #outsourcing, #elbonia, #time difference, #hand off requirements, #work day, #finish code, #pretend we died

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The Boss: "We're outsourcing half of our programming work to Elbonia to take advantage of the time difference." The Boos: "We'll hand off our requirements at the end of our work day and get back the finished code the next morning." Elboninas: "Once again, I have no idea what they want." "Let's pretend we died."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #product training, #pride in product line, #users experience, #painful boils, #relatively satisfied customers, #techniques

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Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #watching tv, #news anchors, #report, #tv cameras, #shows, #evil or stupid, #heart disease, #stupid, #banter, #stinks

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TV Anchorman: Researchers have proven that working with evil or stupid people causes heart disease. Ha Ha! I wonder if the amount of stupidness makes a difference. Your witty banter stinks today.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #flew to location, #mix up, #introdcutions, #presentations, #documents, #confsuion, #audience, #trip

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Associate: "Everyone, this is Dilbert. He flew half-way around the world to give us this presentation." Dilbert: "What? I thought I flew here so YOU could give ME a presentation." Associate: oh "Maybe I could show you some proprietary documents." Dilbert: "I'd like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2005's comic on:


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"I didn't think it was possible, but for the past month I've done my own job plus Ted's, and done them well." "I know that you're marveling at my accomplishment and wondering how you can reward me." "Maybe I can fire Carl and make this idiot do his job too." "I'll be we're thinking of the same bonus amount!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2005's comic on:


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"Wally, I've been watching you for half an hour and you've done no work." "I'm waiting for my program to compile while I design the next module in my head." "Could you grimace so I know you're working?" "Here you go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2006's comic on:


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"Wally, what's the status on the RDP project?" "Am I working on that one?" "You've been in charge of it for a year." "Oh. In that case, it's almost done." "Half of being a manager is living with a vague feeling of uneasiness."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2006's comic on:


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Our CEO only has five minutes. Is that enough time for your PowerPoint presentation? "No. An incomplete explanation of the situation will cause massively harmful strategic choices." "What can we get for four-and-a-half minutes?"