Half Snack Comic Strips - Page 8
134 Results for Half Snack
View 71 - 80 results for half snack comic strips. Discover the best "Half Snack" comics from Dilbert.com.
Asok is half cyborg. He sits on the doctor's table and says, "My training CD went bad and brainwashed me to become a cyborg." The doctor responds, "Your insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery but you can game the system by jumping off the roof." Asok is on the roof, standing next to a man with intensely large ears. The man says to Asok, "I hear that the follow-up visits don't get any easier."
Headline: The CEO Visit. The CEO says to The Boss, "Thanks for the presentation. Your department seems bloated." The CEO continues, "I'll eliminate half of your group in the next budget meeting." The Boss replies, "Thank you." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What are you going to do?" The Boss replies, "Nothing. I told him we're the marketing department."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. He points to the screen and says to Dogbert, "I calculated the impact of work on my health and life expectancy." Dilbert continues, "At my current workload, doing two people's jobs, I have... six months to live." Dogbert responds, "Remind me in five and a half months so I can shop for a card."
Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."
Headline: Dogbert the Headhunter. Dogbert says to a client, "Let me tell you how good my CEO placements have been." Dogbert continues, "An astonishing fifty percent of them have performed better than the other half!" Dogbert continues, "If you're on a budget, I recommend one of our stuffed CEO units with a 'Magic 8 Ball' head."
The Boss: "Our new product has half a million lines of code!" "Translation: there's nothing good about this product, so you hope I'm impressed by irrelevant data." "Now available in ecru!" "You leave me no choice but to key your car on the way out."
The Boss: "We're outsourcing half of our programming work to Elbonia to take advantage of the time difference." The Boos: "We'll hand off our requirements at the end of our work day and get back the finished code the next morning." Elboninas: "Once again, I have no idea what they want." "Let's pretend we died."
Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!
Associate: "Everyone, this is Dilbert. He flew half-way around the world to give us this presentation." Dilbert: "What? I thought I flew here so YOU could give ME a presentation." Associate: oh "Maybe I could show you some proprietary documents." Dilbert: "I'd like that."
"Wally, I've been watching you for half an hour and you've done no work." "I'm waiting for my program to compile while I design the next module in my head." "Could you grimace so I know you're working?" "Here you go."