Half Wits Comic Strips - Page 8

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120 Results for Half Wits

View 71 - 80 results for half wits comic strips. Discover the best "Half Wits" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #outsourcing, #elbonia, #time difference, #hand off requirements, #work day, #finish code, #pretend we died

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The Boss: "We're outsourcing half of our programming work to Elbonia to take advantage of the time difference." The Boos: "We'll hand off our requirements at the end of our work day and get back the finished code the next morning." Elboninas: "Once again, I have no idea what they want." "Let's pretend we died."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #product training, #pride in product line, #users experience, #painful boils, #relatively satisfied customers, #techniques

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Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #flew to location, #mix up, #introdcutions, #presentations, #documents, #confsuion, #audience, #trip

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Associate: "Everyone, this is Dilbert. He flew half-way around the world to give us this presentation." Dilbert: "What? I thought I flew here so YOU could give ME a presentation." Associate: oh "Maybe I could show you some proprietary documents." Dilbert: "I'd like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2005's comic on:


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"Wally, I've been watching you for half an hour and you've done no work." "I'm waiting for my program to compile while I design the next module in my head." "Could you grimace so I know you're working?" "Here you go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2006's comic on:


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"Wally, what's the status on the RDP project?" "Am I working on that one?" "You've been in charge of it for a year." "Oh. In that case, it's almost done." "Half of being a manager is living with a vague feeling of uneasiness."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2006's comic on:


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Our CEO only has five minutes. Is that enough time for your PowerPoint presentation? "No. An incomplete explanation of the situation will cause massively harmful strategic choices." "What can we get for four-and-a-half minutes?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #elbonian, #factory, #million dollars, #competition, #office, #rebel attack

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Dilbert: Rebels have threatened to attack our Elbonian factory unless we give them a million dollars. The Boss: "That's outrageous! Tell them their competition offered to not attack us for half that price." Negotiations begin Elbonian: "That wouldn't even cover our costs of not attacking!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #simulation, #productivity, #workforce, #pandemic

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The Boss: Run a simulation of our productivity if we lost half our workforce to a pandemic. Dilbert: "Should I assume we lose the productive people or the people who ask other people to run pandemic simulations?" The Boss: "Try both ways?" Dilbert: "Okay. I'm done."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2000's comic on:


Tags #cut budget, #technology installation, #adequate budget, #unethical vendors, #huge purchase, #free stuff, #no hidden costs, #huge purchase later

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I cut your budget in half." Dilbert replies, "How can I do a technology installation without an adequate budget?!" The Boss says, "Try being unethical with our vendors." Dilbert answers, "What?" The Boss replies, "It's easy." The Boss continues, "Tell them we might make a huge purchase. Later..." The Boss goes on to say, "...If they give us a bunch of free stuff now." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If it makes you feel better, wait until they lie first." The vendor representative says to Dilbert, "And there are no hidden costs." Dilbert says to the representative, "Um...we might make a huge purchase later."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2007's comic on:


Tags #low balling gaols, #coming year, #decompose chair, #sounds easy, #different chair

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The Boss: I'm concerned that you might be low-balling your goals for the coming year. For example, this one says you will 'decompose in your chair'. That sounds easy. Dilbert: Not really. Half of the time I'm in a different chair."