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View 71 - 80 results for honesty doesn't mix comic strips. Discover the best "Honesty Doesn't Mix" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #television news, #rogue nations, #nuclear weapons, #polar ice caps, #melting, #unemployment, #brink of default, #retirement, #news

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Wally: Rogue nations are building nuclear weapons. The polar ice caps are melting. Unemployment is high. Entire nations are on the brink of default. You aren't saving enough for retirement. Dilbert: What do you have going here? Wally: He said he doesn't pay attention to news. I wondered why.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cloud, #email, #internet speak, #lingo, #meetings, #pretending, #text, #understanding technology, #wi fi, #skype

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Boss: Did you get the email I texted to you? Co-worker: What? That doesn't even make sense. What the heck is wrong with you? Dilbert: Let it go. He slips in and out of understanding basic technology. Boss: Do we have enough room in the cloud for Skype? Because if we don't, we can store some files on the wi-fi. Dilbert: I got this. We have plenty of space because we upgraded to a cumulonimbus cloud. Boss: Very good. Moving on.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #plunging productivity, #8 year old boy, #traylor, #germs, #doctor, #allergies, #gives to mom, #medical

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CEO: Our plunging productivity is all because of an eight-year-old boy named Traylor. Traylor doesn't wash his hands, he brings home every virus and germ from school, and gives it to his mom, who brings it to work with her. Dilbert: Maybe you should see a doctor. Carol: It's just allergies!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prosperity, #cash cow, #cow, #making money, #utter

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Dilbert: Hey, you must be the cash cow I keep hearing about. You must be making cash right now! Cash Cow: It doesn't work every time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #budget, #last year objectives, #huge loss, #bottomline, #punish siuccess, #startegy, #management

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Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brainstorm, #discussion, #less effective, #meetings, #new product ideas, #stem cell technology

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Boss: Let's brainstorm new product ideas. Remember, the most important rule of brainstorming is no criticizing. Dilbert: I'll go first. Research shows that brainstorming is less effective than people working by themselves and later comparing ideas. My idea is to use stem cell technology to design bosses who aren't ignoramuses. Remember, you're not supposed to criticize ideas. But if you decide to do it anyway, it sort of proves my point. I understand whey brainstorming has a bad reputation, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #book, #office workers, #writing

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair typing. He says to Dilbert, "I'm writing my first business management book, 'Managing in a Bureaucracy.'" Dilbert reads a draft, "You know you're in a bureaucracy when a hundred people who think 'A' get together and compromise on 'B.'" Dilbert asks, "Think anybody will read it?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't matter. The real money is on the lecture circuit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Women, #party, #act, #naturally, #scrutiny

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Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror adjusting his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dogbert says, "The best way to impress women at the party is to just act naturally." Dilbert walks though a party thinking, "Act naturally, act naturally." Back at home, Dilbert says, "Logically, it is impossible to 'act' naturally." Dogbert says, "Most great advice doesn't hold under scrutiny."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #columbus, #evidence, #earth, #john glenn, #politicians, #astronaut

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dogbert says, "So, since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round." Dilbert says, "Look . . ." Dilbert continues, "You can ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut." Dogbert says, "So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians . . ." Dilbert replies, "Yes . . . No, wait . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #politeness, #door, #late, #sorry

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Dilbert approaches a man holding a door open and thinks, "I wish this guy wouldn't try to be polite and hold the door." Dilbert reaches for the door and thinks, "I'm at that awkward distance where I should lunge forward so he doesn't have to hold the door too long." Dilbert says, "Oh, thank you." The man says as he walks away, "Great, now I'm late." Dilbert says, "I lunged as fast as I could. Sorry."