How To Lie Comic Strips - Page 8

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1000 Results for How To Lie

View 71 - 80 results for how to lie comic strips. Discover the best "How To Lie" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #ignorance (knowledge), #futurists, #know how, #create entire universe, #brown bag lunches, #slurp

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Alice: Futurists say that someday humans will have the know-how to create an entire universe. Boss: Where would they put it? Alice: We should do these brown bag lunches less often.

Boss Transfers Problem To Someone Else

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Boss Transfers Problem To Someone Else - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #problem, #problems, #snag, #prodcuts, #accept failure, #lie, #transfer problem, #father, #old sayings, #Family

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Dilbert:I'm hitting a snag with this RFP because our products don't do what they need. Should I give up and accept failure or lie about our features and transfer the problem to them? Boss: My daddy used to say it isn't a problem if you can give it to someone else. Dilbert: Then he drove you to school?

How You Should Have Engineered It

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How You Should Have Engineered It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #engineering, #pessimism

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Dilbert: Let's skip to the part where I tell you how you should have engineered it instead of whatever you did. Coworker: You don't know what I did. Dilbert: I have five minutes to pretend that matters. Coworker: That's all I need.

Financial Advisor Is Surprised At How Easy It Is

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Financial Advisor Is Surprised At How Easy It Is - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial advisor, #investing, #money, #stock market, #swindling, #convertible notes, #preferred stock, #call options, #career ambition, #ginat mosquito

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Financial Advisor. Advisor: Convertible notes... preferred stock... municipal bonds... covered call options. These are things you can never hope to understand. So trust me and try to forget that my only career ambition is to drain your account like a giant mosquito. Boss: That sounds reasonable. Advisor: I'm always surprised at how easy this is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #dishonest, #dishonesty, #honest, #honesty, #lying, #reverse psychology, #trick, #trickery, #noteworthy, #hide evil, #verbal assault, #easiest lie, #set up

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Boss: To be perfectly honest... Dilbert: Wait! Why do you need to say you're being honest in this particular case? You're implying that you've lied to me so often in the past that this one instance of honesty is noteworthy. That is tantamount to admitting you have no respect for me as a human being. And you don't even have the decency to hide your evil in a competent fashion! Do you think I'm such an idiot that I wouldn't notice your verbal assault on my intelligence? Okay, let's hear the one honest thing you have ever told me. Go. Boss: This is going to be the easiest lie I've ever told.

How Is Work

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How Is Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #etiquette & ethics, #inventions, #morality, #robot, #robots, #emotionally manipulate, #slaves, #machines

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Woman: How's work? Dilbert: I taught robots how to emotionally manipulate people and thus guaranteed that homo sapeins will become slaves to machines. Woman: I don't want to think about that. Dilbert: That's why it works.

Dilbert Knows How To Negotiate

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Dilbert Knows How To Negotiate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadlines, #delivery, #management, #negotiating, #negotiation, #reorganization

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Negotiations Continue. Salesman: I can't meet your delivery deadline unless you agree to my price today. Dilbert: If you don't agree to my price today, management is likely to do a reorg soon and change its mind about this project. Salesman: How often does that happen? Dilbert: It hasn't happened since breakfast, so we're overdue.

How To Make Money While Adding No Value

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How To Make Money While Adding No Value - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #success, #merit, #qualification, #luck money, #wages, #earning, #earn, #money, #salary

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CEO Mentors Wally. CEO: How would you like me to mentor you, underling? Wally: Can you teach me how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company? CEO: I don't know how to teach you that. Wally: Was it all luck or did you have to kill people?

Motivation Is Magical Thinking

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Motivation Is Magical Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #magic, #inspiration, #futility, #futile, #honesty, #hard truth

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Dogbert: Motivation is a form of magical thinking in which you imagine that your words can turn useless people into high achievers. Boss: But it totally works, right? Dogbert: Yes, because magic is real. Boss: Is it hard to learn? Dogbert: Not if you already know how to lie.

How It Feels To Be Useless

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How It Feels To Be Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #work ethic, #engineers, #stress, #reward, #laziness, #dedication

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Wally: How's it feel to be the hardest-working employee in engineering? Alice: I feel tired, sore, exhausted, sick, angry, stressed out, and lonely. Wally: You probably don't want to know how good it feels to be useless.