Increase Revenue Comic Strips - Page 8

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106 Results for Increase Revenue

View 71 - 80 results for increase revenue comic strips. Discover the best "Increase Revenue" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #product is defective, #expect delivery, #quality s primary goal, #opposite of philosophy, #rich philosophers, #swiss bank

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Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #visibuddy, #mindless replica, #increases visibility, #golf, #nice guy, #invention, #fake clone, #robot, #Sports

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Dilbert fastens the head atop a robot of himself. He says to Dilbert, "I call my invention the 'Visibuddy.'" Dilbert continues, "It's a mindless replica that can attend meeting and increase my visibility." The Visibuddy, The Boss, and Dilbert are in a meeting. The Visibuddy asks The Boss, "Am I working hard or hardly working? Do you golf?" The Boss thinks, "Nice guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #guest cartoonist, #nildo orbfutz, #consulting, #welocme, #breakroom, #on the job training

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"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2004's comic on:


Tags #job application, #increase workload, #performance becomes average, #excel

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Job Applicant "How do you reward your top performers?" "I keep increasing their work loads until their performances become average." "So, why would anyone try to excel?" "I use only the finest motivational posters."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2004's comic on:


Tags #pantless prima donna, #alert patent offcie, #hardware, #computer, #technology

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"Pantless prima donna" "May I ask you a question?" "Silence, fool!" "Alert the patent office that I am about to begin. They might want to increase staff." "Maybe you should turn on your computer." "I don't do hardware."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2012's comic on:


Tags #secretaries (office), #increase work productivity, #yammering, #salted earth, #great plan

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Boss: I just thought of a great idea for increasing workplace productivity. Carol: Does it involve standing near my workplace and yammering while I try to work? Boss: Geez. Who salted the Earth? Carol: Your plan is going great so far.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #email, #face on cows butt, #morale, #objects, #off color jokes, #photoshopped

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The boss: "Alice, you've ben accused of forwarding off-color jokes by e-mail." The Boss: "Do you object to the increase in morale or the nickel it cost the company so far?" "I object to my face being photoshopped to a cow's butt." Alice: "You object to art?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2006's comic on:


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Mordac, the preventer of information services<Br>"You have exceeded your e-mail storage limit!" "To increase your limit, you must get approval from your VP, the CIO, and one nonexistent person to be named later." "I'm thinking either a yeti or a bikini model who is also an engineer." erk!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2007's comic on:


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This completes my presentation. "Does anyone have a question designed to increase my workload for your entertainment?" "How much money would the company save if you did the entire project by yourself?" "Hmmm..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2007's comic on:


Tags #factory, #elbonia, #stock swap, #reached agreement, #rebels, #company value, #terrorits, #indirectly

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Dilbert: "I reached an agreement with the rebels so they won't attack our factory in Elbonia." "It's a stock swap. Every time they collect a ransom, the value of our company will increase." The Boss: "Doesn't that make us terrorists?" Dilbert: "Very indirectly."