Inventing Language Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

112 Results for Inventing Language

View 71 - 80 results for inventing language comic strips. Discover the best "Inventing Language" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cheeseburger, #dead man walking, #deception, #dried apricot, #heart, #inventions, #medical diagnosis, #program to hate, #neutrino sensor

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I programmed our robot to make medical diagnoses. It can scan your body using its neutrino sensor. Robot, please demonstrate. Robot: Dead man walking! Boss: What? Robot: Your brain is the size of a dried apricot. Your heart is more cheeseburger than human tissue. You will be dead in eleven days, six hours, and nineteen minutes. Boss: Gaaa!!! Robot: Why did you program me to hate people? Wally: It was easier than inventing a neutrino sensor.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #depression (mental state), #inventions, #self worth, #doubt, #microwave, #machine language, #kill me, #beep

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: You keep giving me trivial assignments that make me doubt my self-worth. Boss: Chill out. You don't hear the microwave whining all day long. Robot: He doesn't know that the machine word for "Please kill me is 'Beep.'" Microwave: Beep.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #language, #leader, #steve jobs, #rinse with vinegar, #remove mold, #dot touch

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I see myself as a leader in the mold of Steve Jobs. Alice: Try rinsing your entire body with vinegar. That might remove his mold. Boss: Are we talking about the same thing? Alice: Please don't touch anything I own.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #language, #managers & supervisors, #key to leadership, #vague golas, #jargon, #wishful thinking, #dumping work, #whine about goals, #better system, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The key to leadership is setting vague goals that are a combination of jargon and wishful thinking. That way, I can keep dumping work on you without hearing you whine that it doesn't fit with your goals. You have to admit, my system is better than whatever you're doing over there. Dilbert: Yup.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cleaning, #engineers, #coal break room, #highest priority, #mold grow, #mutating bacteria, #rapidly eveolved, #sentient being, #fueled by lunch, #learned languages, #job in hr, #plans on firing, #inappropriate websites

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: You need to clean the break room refrigerator more often. Wally: We're engineers. We only do the highest priority tasks. Tina: Mold started to grow in there. Wally: That's no big deal. Tina: Bacteria caused the mold to mutate. Wally: So what? Tina: It rapidly evolved into a sentient being fueled by forgotten lunches. Then it learned language skills and got a job in Human Resources. It plans to frame you for viewing inappropriate websites at work and then fire you. Wally: This sort of thing usually works itself out.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analogies, #conversation, #language, #operational, #puppet ate dictionary, #operationalize strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What can I do to help you operationalize our strategy? Dilbert: You could stop talking like a puppet that ate a dictionary. Boss: I don't know how analogies work. Dilbert: I'm counting on that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #environmental issues, #batteries discarded, #landfill, #janitor, #trash, #garbage, #recycle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: For environmental reasons, all used batteries must be discarded in the special receptacle in the break room. When it's full, the janitor will dump it into the regular trash and take it to the landfill. Dilbert: Maybe we could ask him not to. Boss: No one know what language he speaks.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #lawyers, #simple business deal, #best work, #backyard

View Transcript

Transcript

Lawyer: I turned your simple business deal into a flaming pile of excrement. It's some of my best work. I don't even understand it myself. Boss: Look what just landed in your backyard. Company Lawyer

Double Standard

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Double Standard - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #Women, #Men, #curse, #cursing, #swearing, #swear, #yelling, #fair, #fairness, #equality, #double-standard

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: There's a double-standard. Men can shout and curse and no one blinks. But if I say one stern word to someone, they call me "emotional." Dilbert: I've seen you make men cry during meetings. Alice: Only the wusses.

Emoji Death Contract

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Emoji Death Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crime, #communication, #miscommunication, #text, #emoji, #language, #murder, #accident, #coverup, #conspiracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We killed Ted, as you ordered in your clever text message full of emojis. Boss: That wasn't what I... Dilbert: Deniability. Got it. Wally: We didn't have this conversation.