Irrelevant Things Said Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

822 Results for Irrelevant Things Said

View 71 - 80 results for irrelevant things said comic strips. Discover the best "Irrelevant Things Said" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feasibility analysis, #two years, #obsolete, #project can't succeed, #credible in market, #stupid things, #complete waste, #behind schedule

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "I completed the feasibility analysis." Dilbert continues, "It would take us two years to build a product that will be obsolete one year from now." The Boss replies, "Okay, let's get started." Dilbert says, "Um.. No, the point is project can't succeed." The Boss responds, "We want people to think we're developing this sort of product, so we'll be credible in the market." Dilbert says, "So our plan is to do stupid things until we appear credible?" The Boss replies, "Exactly!" Dilbert walks away and exclaims, "Gaaa!! My life is a complete waste!!" The Boss says to Catbert, "Tomorrow I'll ask him why he's behind schedule." Catbert responds, "Very evil. Nicely done."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #approval, #computer purchse, #capital budget, #ceo, #apparoval, #asks for things, #assemble computer, #cubicles, #cheap boss, #need approval

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert approaches the Boss' desk with a piece of paper. Dilbert says, "I need your approval for to buy a new computer." The Boss says, "Eh! Eh!" as Dilbert speaks. The Boss replies, "There's a freeze on the capital budget. Only our CEO can approve it." Dilbert holds out the slip of paper again and says, "Could you ask him to..." as The Boss says, "Eh! Eh!" The Boss replies, "I don't want to be the guy who always asks for things." The Boss continues, "Maybe you could assemble a computer from components that are each within my approval limit?" Dilbert asks, "What's your approval limit?" The Boss replies, "Ten dollars." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle banging my head against the wall." The Boss stands overlooking the cubicles from his office door as sounds of "Thud! Thud! Thud! come from a cubicle. The Boss thinks to himself, "This is why I keep them in soft-walled containers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #schematic, #office politics, #ruin teds career, #say bad things, #rumor mill, #ted is history, #backfired, #tested, #phil quit

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his desk drawing a map. He says, "I've created a schematic of office politics in my company." Dogbert says, "Nicely done." Dilbert says, "Let's say I want to ruin Ted's career." Dilbert continues, "I could say bad things to Tina about Ted. Tina carpools with Ming and Ming takes yoga classes with Carol." Dilbert continues, "And Carol is a secretary for Ted's boss. So Ted would be history." Dilbert continues, "Of course it wouldn't be ethical to test the system." Dogbert replies, "Unless..." Dogbert points to the map and continues, "..You use the Phil-Alice-Larry circuit to get Ted rehired." Dilbert replies, "Yup, yup." Dilbert concludes talking to Tina with, "...And that's why Ted is worthless." He pauses and then asks, "Hey, where's Phil today?" Tina replies, "He quit." Dilbert asks Dogbert at home, "Why do I listen to you?" Dogbert responds, "Because of a little thing I call charisma."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #bias for action, #enemy of good, #folksy, #spray defective stuff

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We need to have a bias for action. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good. Dilbert: So... a carpenter should saw the board first and measure it later? CEO: Your use of that folksy saying makes my strategy sound dumb. Alice: Why do you care if your strategy is perfect or not? Dilbert: You just said it's more important to spray your defective stuff on the universe than it is to get things right. CEO: "Spray my defective stuff?" Dilbert: Should I have waited for a perfect way to say that?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pessimism, #telephones, #collaboration tools, #trying to accomplish, #bad acoustics, #speaker phones, #randomly agreed, #better than expected, #crime not committed

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How'd your call go? Dilbert: Better than I expected. We spent the first 45 minutes trying to get our online collaboration tools to work. Then we couldn't agree on what we were trying to accomplish. I couldn't understand most of the attendees because they were on speakerphones in rooms with bad acoustics. I randomly agreed to a few things, but I don't know what. Boss: I thought you said it went better than you expected. Dilbert: It did. I go into every human encounter expecting to be framed for a crime I didn't commit. Boss: I really need to find a problem I can fix.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #facial expression, #fear, #scare away the weak, #too busy, #too talk, #i said no

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I'm working on a new facial expression to scare away the weak. Want to see it? Dilbert: No. Gaaa!!! Alice: That one means I'm too busy to talk. Dilbert: I said no! I said no! I said no!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gratitude, #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #great leadership, #project, #useful things, #good work, #greedy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'd like to thank myself for my great leadership on the project. Some of you did useful things, too, but only because I threatened to fire you if you didn't. So don't let it go to your heads. Catbert: I hope you didn't tell them they did good work. Boss: No, that makes them greedy.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #friendship, #internet & world wide web, #facebook, #freinds, #post things, #inconvienient, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I want to use Facebook to waste time at work, but I don't have any friends. Do you mind if I friend you? Dilbert: Sure. You'll be my only friend. Wally: Will you post things for me to look at. Dilbert: Wow. Friends are totally inconvenient.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #slapped ceo, #report says, #success is following your instinct, #being passionate, #engaged, #creative, #meaningful, #office meeting, #literal meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: This report says you slapped our CEO senseless after he said they key to success is following your instinct. Alice: I was following my instinct. I was also being passionate, engaged, and creative. Catbert: Apparently the things you say actually mean stuff. CEO: How was I to know!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #origin story, #company, #need, #various things, #clear, #boss, #request, #office, #request secretary, #write up story, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss; Tina, I need you to write a company "Origin Story." All the cool companies have them. Tina: Why? Boss: Why? Well, for starters, we need it for various things and so on. I don't think I can be any clearer. Tina: I don't think you can, either.