Search Results for "jobs"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

The Sales Call "I brought my egghead to talk to your egghead while you and I make out." "Our web services employ XML, Soap and WSDL to achieve interoperable HTTP modules." Mmm mmm mmm "Do you ever think we might be in the wrong jobs?" "I'm not going to kiss you." Mmm mmm

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2006's comic on:


Tags #animals in human situations, #career, #criticism, #jobs, #pet ownership, #counselor, #pity

View Transcript

Transcript

Career Counselor Woman: And why did you leave your last job? Dilbert: My dog was tired of hearing me whine about my job, so he became a billionaire and bought my company and fired me. Woman: I don't have a checkbox for that so I'll just write in "loser".

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"You've had fifteen jobs in two months. How can I be sure you're not a job hopper?" "Maybe I change jobs a lot. And maybe I have gigantic rabbit ears. But does that make me a hopper?" "Okay, okay, you're hired." "I am so sick of this place!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

I hear you're a job hopper. "I like to think I have high standards." "Are you aware that all jobs require you to do things you'd rather not do? That's why they have to pay you." "Perhaps your expectations are unrealistic." "I quit! I'm going someplace where my coworkers will never waste my time!!!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"By now, you've noticed that your jobs are hideous nightmares of frustration and underpayment." "But what you don't know is that every other company is exactly the same." "Reduce employee turnover...Check."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #golf tournament, #contrast, #strikes you, #contrast in jobs, #secretary and boss

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm off to the executive golf tournament. "It just struck me how much contrast there is between your job and mine. Gotta go." Carol: "Let me know if anything else strikes you."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #questioning, #ceo, #lawyer, #salespeople, #psychopathy, #disembowle, #rhetorical, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: You might be wondering why I called this meeting. Dilbert: Well, I see a CEO, a company lawyer, and two salespeople. Those jobs are highly correlated with psychopathy. My guess is that you invited me here to disembowel me. CEO: It was rhetorical!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2008's comic on:


Tags #job interview, #fat and lazy, #safe working, #thrive on abuse, #complain, #remove tongue, #begging, #desparate

View Transcript

Transcript

Albanian: If you hire me, I will do all the jobs that the people born in this country are too fat and lazy to do. I don't require a safe working environment, and I thrive on abuse! The Boss: Do you complain much?" Albanian: I'll remove my own tongue and give it to you in a pickle jar for boss's day.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #job, #lose my job, #rate service superiro, #service, #successful man, #survey, #loose job, #loose wife, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac: You will get a survey asking you how satisfied you were with my service today. If you don't rate my service superior in all categories, I will lose my jobs and my wife will leave me for a more successful man. Dilbert: Is she cute? Mordac: Why do you ask?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2010's comic on:


Tags #nose job, #health insurance, #surgery, #cloth over nose, #good deal, #veterinarian, #dog nose, #squirrel, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "Our health plan doesn't cover nose jobs, so I used the market system to bargain for a good deal." Asok says, "I learned that a veterinarian is just like a doctor, but cheaper." Asok says, "Do you smell a squirrel?"